End of the Year Survey

I havent showered or worked out yet today. Ive made this:http://www.bunsinmyoven.com/2012/04/15/chocolate-chip-cookie-dough-dip/     for tonight and at twelve I am going to make my meatballs for tonight.  I am so excited to go hang out with my friends tonight for NYE.  I am SUPER bummed though that I dont get to spend the evening with my boyfriend :(  It definitely kind of sucks but o well.

I got this survey off my friends blog and so I decided to do it as well :)

1. What did you do in 2012 that you'd never done before?

I worked at a daycare, got a BOYFRIEND, went night sledding, made a cheesecake, did the Daniel Fast, chaperoned 4 youth events, ran a half marathon!

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I did want to stop eating sugar but that didnt happen.  I will more than likely make one to lose weight and tone up but we will see.  

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
My friends Whitney, Leah, Jen, Katie...I could keep going but the list would be INSANE!!

4. Did anyone close to you die?
No, thank god.

5. What countries did you visit?

I stayed in the great ol' USA

6. What would you like to have in 2013 that you lacked in 2012?

Full time teaching job. An engagement ring. A bigger trust in God. 

7. What dates from 2012 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
July 8th....the day CJ and I started dating.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Running a half marathon!

9. What was your biggest failure?
Not really sure

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Other than colds nope

11. What was the best thing you bought?

I really havent bought anything cool for myself in a long time :/

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

Not a clue

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Election, CT shooting

14. Where did most of your money go?
Loans, a couple I support for CRU, and little kiddos

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Running a half marathon, seeing God bringing a guy into my life, the youth kids and their relationship with God.

16. What song will always remind you of 2012?
A few worship songs I suppose.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? happier
b) thinner or fatter? I think about the same, maybe more muscle though
c) richer or poorer? richer

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?

Been healthier, stronger, thinner, paid off more of my student loans

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?

Being down on myself. Complaining about stupid stuff and trying to not be so down about myself and life

20. How will you be spending Christmas?

I spent it with my mom, grandma and brother at my mom's house.

21. Did you fall in love in 2012?

Yes I did :) and I hope I dont fall out of love with CJ ever.

22. How many one-night stands?
None.

23. What was your favorite TV program?

Greys Anatomy, Parenthood, Big Bang Theory, Last Man Standing, Secret Life of the American Teenager, Teen Mom One and Two...I think that is it.

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?

Not really

25. What was the best book you read?

Hunger Games and prolly a few of the Karen Kingsbury books I read as well

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?

None

27. What did you want and get?

A boyfriend. Clothes. Purse

28. What did you want and not get?

Teaching Job. Skinny stomach. Ring

29. What was your favorite film of this year?

Not really sure

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I turned the BIG 25 on Dec. 4th. I went to lunch with my mom and then went and watched CJ play dartball that night

31.What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

If I hadn't complained and not made an effort to find more schools hiring or even get a thin sexy body I want

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2012?

Its whatever...except I did discover Old Navy clothes look really good on me so oops!

33. What kept you sane?

God

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Not sure

35. What political issue stirred you the most?
Election Year. Fiscal Issue. and lots of other things I suppose that I really didnt pay attention to

36. Who did you miss?

Dad

37. Who was the best new person you met?

Olivia from the daycare I worked at this summer

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2012.
To trust God and to know that He will provide for your every need.

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
Dont have one and my computer is about to die so no time to look for one!

Blah

This is my 25th Christmas.  I got a giftcard to Target, OSU shirts, Old Navy clothes, a scarf, bath stuff, purse, a cd, and a few random things in my stocking.

I am having a bad day.  My brother and grandma left a day early because here in OHIO we are suppose to get 12 inches of snow tomorrow.  I miss my dad. I hate that people leave. I want to see my boyfriend. I just feel like everything in my life isnt going how I want it.  I dont want to eat dinner. I cant stop crying. I want everything that God has for me to just fall into my lap because I am tired, so tired of not getting anything I want in life :/  Im ready for something awesome to happen in my life.

On my knees

Im on my knees for those 20 babies that are up in heaven with Jesus.  My heart is still broken over the tragedy that happened in Newtown, CT.  I am praying for the families who lost loved one on Friday.  As a teacher, I know that I would have been like Victoria and had the gunman take my life over my students.  I would have protected me with my own life.  All I have to say is that I hope this really causes people to love more, to be more kind and to really get on their knees and start a relationship with God

Where is the SNOW?!

I need to note that it is December 9th and it is RAINING!! Umm OHIO where the frick is your SNOW?!  I want SNOW!!! We didnt get any LAST year and you let me down :(  You best show up this year or else I am moving to a state where they get SNOW!!!   I am a very disappointed OHIO resident right now :/

25 Years of life on here

I woke up at 5:30 on my 25th birthday.....I didnt get anything subbing wise.  I got my birthday present from my mom in a Tinkerbell bag---a gift card to buy a pair of jeans, a necklace and then a shirt.  I ate granola, ran 2 miles, and took a shower. I am going to lunch with my mom and then tonight I will get to see CJ :)  Who knows what else I will do on my birthday.  I cant believe I have been alive for a quarter of a century!! EEK!

Love you all :)

Thunderstorms in December?

My Thanksgiving was rough. I missed my dad. I cried a ton that week :/  I totally have messed up my emotions and everything is totally out of whack :/

Subbing is going well. Paying off my debt is something I am really working on right now.  Cj and I are amazing.  My ministry I work with is great. I love my friends. I am really working on myself right now. I need to work on seeing myself as beautiful, that I am here to love others and not be such a debbie downer. I need to SEE the plan God has for me. I cant dwell on my negative parts of my life.  Two days till my 25th birthday. I really dont know what else to say.

Heavy Heart and Spiritual Fed

Today is my third day of not subbing this month. I've made muffins this morning. I've been on the verge of tears.  Subbing is okay, but I'm definitely ready for my own classroom, my own lesson plans, rules, discipline and everything else that goes with teaching. Working out is alright. I did eat like I had a tapeworm last night though and it sucked. I wanted to make myself throw up but I didn't do it.  CJ and I are well. Although, I am ready for that next step....engagement and he isn't. He isn't even close and I am being respectful of that. I definitely don't want to ruin the relationship that we have.

Thanksgiving is in 7 days. In 7 days I will be sitting at a table with my mom, brother and grandma.  CJ may be joining us.  Sometimes I feel like I may be spending my last one with my grandma.  I sometimes am not ready for the day that a guy joins us....or the day my brother brings home a lucky lady whom he loves.  I still sometimes miss my daddy and my grandpa, but I know for sure one day I will see my grandpa again!!

This past weekend I went to Reach with the youth group and the Lord totally touched my life.  The speaker was talking about relationships with our fathers.  I know for a fact that the Lord knew what Pat was going to be speak about and that I was suppose to be there. Pat had everyone close their eyes.  He asked the ladies to raise their hands if they never danced with their father. I never did and I realized right then that I never will.    Well then he made the ladies who never danced with their fathers to put their arms up and to dance with their heavenly father. Im not going to lie....when Pat said that I thought in my head man he is making us do something silly I dont wanna do this.  They started to play How he Loves and I started to dance with the music, and I didn't even begin to sing.  I just let the music overtake me. Well then, I began to dance.  While dancing, I then felt the Lord wrap his arms around me.  I was so overwhelmed with this awesome gesture from the Lord that I ended up breaking down and bawling my eyes out. I had to kneel in front of the chair I was sitting in just to let my emotions overtake my body so that I could have a really really good cry.  I still can't believe that the Lord DANCED with me! He cares about me so much that he danced with me. He LOVES me. The Lord really truly LOVES me!!! He LOVES ME!!!!

Hurricane day

I have survived days of being in an office with 8 girls working at the board of Elections. I have battled tears and made it through my dad's birthday.  I laughed while watching 5 kids by myself.  I have spent endless hours laughing and being with CJ.  I am back to subbing again.  I was suppose to sub today but in OH  where I live we have such crazy weather that we have winds over 50 miles and have had endless rain since Friday, so today was a what? A Hurricane day? A Windy day? IDK but its definitely NOT a snow day! haha

I cant believe Thursday is November.  Tomorrow I have youth and its a harvest party. I am going as Wilma FlinStone.  Thursday I am subbing for 1st grade.  Friday I am subbing a half day and then going on a date with CJ :) This weekend is a relaxing weekend. I have nothing really planned for next week except Thursday is a sleep over with a few youth girls and then Friday and Saturday is Youth Convention in Cbus.  I am PUMPED to see what God does in the hearts of the youth that are going and maybe what He even does in mine!!!

Working out has definitely been on the back burner lately. I did work out yesterday and I am hoping that a little later I will do some work out with a little dvd.

Theres nothing we want more!!

Last week and this week have been spent working at the board of elections and its really hard work.  I have subbed a few times as well.  I cannot wait till I can have a full time teaching job!!! But loans are getting paid, debt is slowly getting snowballed and then I will be DEBT free sometime eventually!! haha

I hurt my back somehow so I feel like a grandma and I wanna cry :( prayers would be LOVELY!!  

havent really been working out because I have been SOOOO busy :(

I babysat all weekend...watching 3 kiddos and even spent the night with them.

Doves

Hey guys!!  I cant believe that it is October! Seriously where did September go? O that's right. I subbed all but 4 days of that month!!! Insane!!!!  
These past few weeks have been filled with subbing, working out, hanging out with CJ, going to a wedding, Axiom, eating and cleaning.  
Im still having a hard time with a few things in my life that I talk about A LOT on here and honestly I don't want to really get into details with all of it.  
Im off to go take a shower(I ran two miles!!) and then gonna relax.

This picture is of CJ and I from Steve and Hilary's Wedding in Fort Wayne two weekends ago :)

Thoughts

I have things I want to say but I dont feel like blogging about it.  Im at a point in my life that I just am shutting the world out and am bottling my thoughts and such inside of me.  All I can say is that Im subbing four days again this week....I have a meeting about Belize tomorrow and Saturday I am going to a wedding in Fort Wayne.  Please just pray for me. Thanks

11 yrs ago

11 years ago I was in 8th grade sitting in computer class when another teacher came up to the computer teacher and told her that a plane hit a tower in NYC.  Then when I got to English, our teacher flipped on the t.v. as the second tower was getting hit.  Its so crazy to think about what I was doing and such while such a tragic thing happened to our nation.

Labor day I hung out with a couple from my church.  Tuesday I hung out with Meg.  Wed I subbed and then went to Axiom. Thursday I subbed and then went to choir.  Friday I did nothing and then I went downtown with CJ to look at old cars.  Saturday I hung out with Kinsey all day.  Sunday I went with Pastor Tim, two of his kids, and CJ to a camp to pick up some of the young girls in our church from camp.  I went to a meeting and ate a HUGE slice of a cake called Oreo cake and then went over to a couples house with CJ and our friend Libby to hang out with some people.  Yesterday I subbed in the morning and then hung out with Meg all day.  Meg, Tim and their three kids are seriously a HUGE part of my life!!  It really means a lot to me to have people in my life who love and care about me.

Running is okay. I think I am going to sign up for the Glass City Half again...this time I will run it with my friend Erin!!!  EEEK!  God and I are doing well.  I think I am going to go on a mission trip next summer :)  Cj and I are great.  We haven't had a fight yet and we have been going out for a little over two months now.

Clinging to hope

You guys it is September!!!  What the heck?!  The last few days of August was filled with finishing helping Meg get everything ready for the garage sale at her parents!!!!  That Friday evening I hung out with CJ and we were going to go bowling but ended up going to Steak N Shake.  Last weekend I went to watch Joel play soccer but he FREAKED. I ended up going to a worship thing that Saturday night. Sunday was church and then the mud pit with the youth group. Let's just say I was NASTY!  CJ and I were then invited over to Tim and Meg's to hang out with some other couples and eat pizza. It was a lot of fun!  Monday I babysat the Smelcer kiddos while their dad went to a baseball game and their mom was at work.    Tuesday I subbed. Wednesday I subbed. Thursday I hung out with Meg and then watched her kiddos.  Friday I went to a football game and then yesterday I hung out with my mom and then babysat.  Today I have church this morning but not sure what I am doing the rest of the day or even tomorrow.  

Can anyone tell me some stuff to do to tone my arms, legs, butt and stomach?  I seriously just need something NEW in my workouts.  I feel like I havent been seeing any results and I have been eating really decent.  *SIGH*  

I really dont have any friends here. I feel so lonely. I dont even know why having a blog is helping me. It just makes me feel even more depressed.  Blah.

Just trying to swim

Last Tuesday I was in Toledo and my friend Lauren's mom and aunt did a mock interview with me that night. Wednesday was my interview. I totally flopped it. Half of the questions I was asked I wasn't sure how to answer because I never experienced what they asked me. So I guess I will be subbing for another year.  That evening I hung out with CJ.
Thursday I went to the Smelcers and helped Meg then laid out with my friend Becki at the beach and then watched the Smelcer kiddos.  Friday I went canoeing with the youth group and then watched CJ's two softball games which they WON :)  Saturday I went to a worship experience thing at my church from 10-1 and then helped Meg the rest of the evening.  Sunday I had church, the church picnic and then helped Meg till like midnight. Yesterday I was at her house from 10-9.  Meg is seriously a HUGE blessing in my life.  I love her and her family. They are seriously incredible.
Running is okay. I need to find a race or something because I am getting really bored with it :/
Jesus and I are doing good. Lately though I have been feeling bored with my reading and quiet time.  I dont know how to get it spiced up :/
CJ and I are doing great.  Hopefully soon I will post a picture up here.  Lately I just havent been knowing what to say on my blog. No one really reads my posts and I feel like noone reads my blog anymore.  Maybe I should just get rid of it? Not sure what to do.

Need prayers

Saturday I went to a bridal shower, and then hung out with the Smelcers the whole evening.  It was great.  Tim and Meg are seriously so amazing in my life :)  They are the spiritual parents I never had growing up!!
Yesterday I went to church, then youth where I saw kids run thru mud, run over tires, slide down a "cave" climb over a hay bale and find puzzle pieces in baby pools full of ramen noddles! haha  I then went to the derby last night with CJ and a bunch of people from Axiom. It was really fun, even though I didnt wanna be there!!
Today I went to the Smelcers and helped Meg price tag a bunch of baby clothes and then I hung out with her kiddos all afternoon. I am writing this blog post because on Wednesday I have an interview in Wednesday.  I am nervous, scared, un confident and just not sure this is going to happen to me. If not, then I do have like 6 school districts I am going to be subbing in so I guess I would most definitely be getting jobs all fall.  Thursday I am hanging out with one of my "adopted" mommas and then on Friday I am going canoeing with the youth group.  Crazy busy week!!!  Prayers for me would be so appreciated.

Whirlwind of life!!!

Lets see here:  The 23rd-the 27th I worked a ton at the daycare. The 27th was my last day there till like Sept/Oct.  School is gonna start soon EEK!!
28th-I went to Emily and Mel's wedding and it was BEAUTIFUL!!!!
29th-I went to church and helped with water wars---which involved tires.
30th-did nothing
31st-dentist
1st-was with the smelcers all day long :)
2nd-went to the zoo and then Cj and I became official bf/gf that night :)
3rd-went to the guys softball game and slept at libbys :)
4th-got brunch with mom and libby
5th-church all day long
6th-hung with the smelcers
7th-babysat the smelcers
8th-today I was in Cincinnati helping my friend Chelsea set up her classroom it is SOO cute :)

My life is super boring and I am cutting out some foods in my diet bc i just feel unhappy about my weight and  i really need to tone up my stomach

You Make me Happy!!

So since the last time I posted I have been working a TON, watering my youth pastor wives' flowers, running and then of course hanging out with my guy friend CJ.  O man he puts a smile on my face. He brings something out in me that no other person has. I mean, CJ is the first guy who may potentially become my boyfriend and we really are taking this SUPER slow.  We are both relying on God and we are doing everything we can to make sure we don't interfere with the other person.  I think that one day he is going to ask me to be his girlfriend, but until that happens I am just really enjoying his company and hanging out and everything.  Lately while we have been talking and hanging out he has been using words that have been leaning to the future and o man it is totally IDK not really freaking me out, but just making me feel like this may be something I have always been waiting for :)
I cant believe that next Friday I am done at the daycare and off to subbing again. I am actually going to be adding two more schools to my list so that will bring me up to 7 schools I can sub in! Today was a crappy day at work. Lets just say that a girl said some nasty things to me and it made me cry.
This week is just a lot of work, watering the plants again, dinner with mom and brother tomorrow and then babysitting on Thursday.  Saturday I have a wedding to attend to for two college friends :) SO excited for Emily and Mel!!!

All smiles :)

4th of July I went to the movies with my friend, ate lunch with her and then went to bed at like 8!  That weekend I went fishing with my friend on his boat and then went swimming at a lady's house that night.  On Sunday I went to my friends fiances house and helped her paint.  Had youth group that night and let me tell you I had a BLAST!!!
This summer in Axiom, we are doing a thing called Water Wars. Well, we played a game called Acid Rain.  It was really fun.  It was a relay race. They ran about 40 yards, then slid under a 2x6 in a mud slide thing and then had to run to a HUGE barrel to get a ball while getting sprayed by a water hose.  I played and let me tell you all week my thighs have been SORE!
Work has been okay this week.  I did leave work early on Wednesday because of some female issues but I am sure feeling a TON better!  I cant believe that in a few weeks I will be done with the day care and getting ready to start subbing again.
This week was VBS at my church and OMGOSH it was insane.  I am so sad that it is over.  I LOVED seeing the kids dancing, singing and having fun while learning all about Jesus :)
SOOOO.......there is this boy who I sort of have feelings for. We have been texting a lot this week. We hung out Wednesday and then hung out last night.  I am really starting to like him, and we do have approval from a few people we knew would need to approve before something happens between us if it does.  I am just trusting God and relying on Him to help me through this.
Off to finish baking, go to the library and then get ready to hang out in the great outdoors.

There is a time to breathe fresh air right?

Its been a while since I have updated my blog about my life.  Two weekends ago I babysat and then I worked a ton at the daycare.  Last weekend I stayed at my friends house and then went to a grad party.
Daycare is going okay. The cash is NICE and I for sure think the loans will get a big dent in all of it.  Running is okay.  Allergies are KICKING my trash right now and right now I cant breathe, smell, and my voice sounds like a man :(
Single life is fine.  No boy troubles.  God and I are doing great.  Still waiting on a teaching job, guess I just have to keep waiting for it.  I havent eaten any sweets in a few weeks.  Hopefully I will be DONE eating them!!  Youth group is going well.
I have tomorrow off so I am going to run, work on my tan and read a book :)  Maybe enjoy dinner with  my momma!!!  I hope you have a great Fourth of July!! :)

Its a HOT one out there!!

Grad party last Saturday was fun! I got to babysit during it so it was easy as cake!!  Sunday was church, drove to grandma's and then grabbed dinner with my aunt, uncle and grandma :)
Monday was my interview---lets just say this: I stood at a desk for 10 minutes and then got completely ignored by two grown men while they talked in ARABIC and then one of them decided to take me back to a closet sized office and I waited in there for 35 minutes till the principal came and got me.  I looked at a schedule-which showed they learned Arabic and then a uniform paper-headpieces while I was waiting. After I noticed all this, I actually almost got up and left.  I knew right then and there the Lord had shut that door completely.  The interview itself was 20 minutes top.
The next four days I worked 8-4.  I didnt run any of those days because it was HOT outside, like over 90 and there is NO way I was gonna pass out from running!!  I havent had ANY sweets in a week :) GO ME!!! I did spinning this morning and it KICKED my trash!!!  I went to Red Robin with a youth student last night and that was really fun :)
I laid out in the sun for an hour today and now Im finishing up some baking before I head over to babysit and   spend my evening with three kiddos. Church, grad party, lay out, and youth group tomorrow.  I am getting so so proud of my dark skin I am getting :) YEAH!!!  Off to get ready :)

I can't be a chicken

This week was a LONG week!!!!  Monday, Wednesday and Thursday I got sent home at 2:30 because they had too many school age teachers and not enough kiddos!! Its okay with me!! Meant I got to work out earlier and enjoy my evening :) Yesterday we barely had ANY kiddos at the daycare, so I got sent home at 10! Its okay, I cashed my first paycheck, got a MickeyD's treat with my "adopted" momma, ran at the GYM, laid out and then had a date with two little cuties in the evening :)
I ran everyday this week except Thursday. I had a dinner date with Rich that evening before choir practice so a shower won over a run :)  We went to Chili's and it was really fun.  I am still waiting to see where this all goes, but who knows?!
Okay so you are probably wondering what my title of my blog post means today......well Wednesday I basically played phone tag with a principal at an elementary school in Columbus.  I have an INTERVIEW on Monday at 12:30 and I am SCARED/NERVOUS/FREAKING OUT about it!!  I am NOT sure what to think of all of this.  Afraid I will cry during the interview, will not know how to answer some of the questions, wont seem confident. I could go on and on......Please if anyone reads this blog post before Monday, just pray for me.  I am also really nervous that if I get this job, I will have to move and I LOATHE living alone Hate moves, dont know ANYONE down there and just not so sure I can do this :/

Raindrops on Roses

Friday I got to leave work at 230 so I came home, ran 2 miles, ate dinner with my mom and then got ready to go watch a recital.  O my goodness !! It was SO SO cute!!!
Yesterday I went to spin-which KICKED my butt, then my friend Becki took me and a little 2 yr old she was watching for the day to get doughtnuts :)      Afterwards I went over to her house with her and hung out with her and the 2 yr old till like 4 :)  I came home, showered, watched Narnia and just had a night where I baked another 30 muffins and felt lonely lonely.
I went to church this morning--where the sermon was about putting different situations in our lives into boxes. That we need to identify them, hand them over to God and not to worry about them!!!  He will take care of all of our fears, troubles, doubts :)  I ran 2 miles this afternoon and laid out for an hour.
I have work Monday-Friday this week, youth on Wednesday, Choir on Thursday and MAYBE a date on Friday ;)  If not then it will happen eventually!!!  I hope you all have a great week :)

O and I have a question.....Can you all be praying for me? I just really have been struggling with the whole not being able to find a teaching job. Its so so hard to see my teaching friends have jobs, and it just SUCKS bc I really want one.   Thanks

Inhale.....Exhale

Let's see here....Last weekend I really didn't do much.  I baked 30 muffins and watched 6 chick flicks on Saturday alone. Sunday I watched 3 more and went on a walk with my friend Rich.  Let's just say there is definitely flirting and fun, but we will see where it goes :)
I started my summer job on Monday and this week has been very OVERWHELMING!  Tuesday I ended up crying in my supervisors office for 45 minutes because I just felt like I couldn't handle it.  Daycare is something that I am VERY much NOT used to.  This is out of my comfort zone.  I have ran a total of 4 miles since Monday, and I am going to run 2 tonight after work before I have to get ready to go watch a few girls I know in a dance recital.  I am excited!!  This weekend my brother is hopefully coming home!!! EEEK!!!!  I am going to hang out with him tomorrow and work on my tan :)  Also attend a spinning class in the morning and go to church on Sunday!!  I am also gonna try to see if I can squeeze in a little ice cream date with my favorite kiddos that I love and miss so so dearly!!!  If not, there is always next weekend!!  I am very very tired and I dont want to go to work today.  I have a migraine and I just dont feel very well.  O well

Lately I have been

babysitting a TON!!! Last Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Wednesday and yesterday! Seriously it is INSANE!!! Guess I am just trustworthy :) School is officially out!! I have made it through my FIRST year of subbing! Yay(sarcastic) Nothing else from any of the other schools I applied to. Guess I just have to keep waiting. If not, then it wasn't meant for me. Start my summer job on Monday. I am quite nervous, but you know what, I will make it through. It will just be a summer of working, saving and paying off my lovely loans. Next summer I am going on another mission trip. This time it is out of the country to -----Belize in Central America. I am SUPER stoked. Now I just have to keep saving the money. I know if the Lord wants me to go, then all of my money will be provided!! EEK I am getting very tan!! I am SUPER excited because now I feel like I am starting to look like my heredity. I havent been feeling very motivated to work out lately. Not sure what is wrong with me....Also my mother told me yesterday that I am looking way too skinny..Excuse me?! I feel like I eat like a horse some days *sigh*

RAWR

I just want to CRY and CRY. I applied to a school district for some teaching positions. I was so confident. I feel like this is what the Lord wanted for me. It was a Christian school. I got a letter today saying that all the positions are filled. I didnt even get an interview. Do you know how hurt I am right now? Seriously thats not EVEN fair :( UGH I am so disappointed. I just want to cry. Or eat a TON of donuts. I want to eat my feelings right now :( I just really needed to vent. That is all. If you want, please leave me some encouragement or a laugh or something. Cause right now I need something :( :(

Almost June?!

~Mother's day Weekend I did nothing.  My mom worked.  That Sunday I grabbed lunch with Rich.  It was really nice!  He said this summer he wants to take me fishing, so who knows what may come out of this? ~Last Monday and Tuesday I subbed in a 3rd grade class. Wednesday I did nothing. Thursday I subbed at my old high school and then Friday I went to a wedding! I am SO excited for my friends Alicia and Jarid!! Their wedding was BEAUTIFUL :) ~Saturday and Sunday were very uneventful. Laid out for an hour both days and that is about it. I ate ice cream for dinner last night :( ~Today I subbed in a preschool. I ended up staying all day. I got sunburn. I now have a farmers tan on my arms :( I am feeling quite BLAH today. I didnt work out :( I did mow the grass :) I am EXHAUSTED right now. I wouldn't mind going to bed right now, except its not even 7 yet and that is just plain wrong! ~Tomorrow I am going over to someones house in the afternoon to help her cook--she is like a second mommma to me. Maybe I'll lay out. I dont have any subbing plans for the week and then next Friday, June 1st, I start my summer job!!! EEK!!! Lately I have just been feeling so blah :( I need to cut out breads and junk from my diet. Tomorrow is a new day so I am READY to lose weight!! For real this time!!! I am going to work out, eat healthy and if I slip, so be it! NO big deal!! ~No plans for Memorial day weekend. Looks like just church and laying out!

What I like about this past week

~Last Friday subbed for fifth graders and it wasn't too bad
~On Saturday I watched two five year old girls play soccer. Went to a tea party and ate kinda bad :(
~Sunday I had a HUGE meltdown and really was struggling with my relationship with the Lord, feeling as if he was deserting me and all sorts of emotions.
~Monday I subbed for a high school Math teacher and it was also Senior Skip Day Needless to say, my day was seriously a joke.  I am so glad I didn't have to teach because it was all the icky math that is the devil itself!  I then hung out with an older lady fro my church-walked around the mall, got dinner and then saw the Lucky one
~Tuesday I grabbed lunch with a lady from my church and that is about all I did
~Yesterday I was suppose to sub but it got cancelled.  I worked out, then had a meeting with a guy to talk about possibly supporting him and his family with Cru.  I then had youth group later on
~Today I subbed for two hours for a Biology teacher and I learned all about cladograms.  Yeah please dont ask me what it is. To this moment I still dont know what it is! haha
~Tomorrow I am subbing for a high school English teacher and then going to a surprise birthday party.  I would rather be seeing friends or going to NYC but its okay.  Im over it  Saturday doing nothing and Sunday is Mothers day but my mom is working all day long so I will be sitting at home doing nothing.

I have been doing alright with the eating healthy.  I did eat a small Frosty yesterday though.  I wish it was warmer because I wanna get tan.

Little things in life

I saw this picture on Pinterest the other day and it made me SMILE :) Seriously, I wish I could just look at life like that right now. But alas I can't. BOO to life right now.

 ~On one note, I dont understand this new way to post a blog. I seriously try to leave space between paragraphs and it all becomes one and then it makes me sad :( WHAT THE HECK?!!!!!!!!!!!! Why can't I leave space between my paragraphs?! Can someone PLEASE help a sister out??!

~I haven't subbed in a week.  The last time I subbed was last Thursday, and I was a scribe in the morning for the OAA and then I was a study hall lady in the afternoon.

~Last weekend was amazing.  Seeing students show off their talents for the Lord just moved me to tears.  Rooming with four students and having two beds made for an interesting night.  Highlights of the trip----me getting asked if my mom and dad were in the room when a security guard knocked on our door at like 1015 at night.  A jr. high student calling me mom.  Sea-horse.

~Starting today until the rest of the summer I am going to do my VERY best to NOT eat sweets, junk food, or any types of bread.  I really need to tone up my stomach and I know if I cut those foods out of my diet then I will lose some weight.

~I ran this morning for the first time since my half marathon and I survived. It was a little rough. I did have to walk a little bit, but hey at least I can RUN again :)

Well I think that is it.  Going to watch a few girls play soccer Sat, going to a tea party in the afternoon, and have two sub jobs for next week.  Maybe I will lay out today :) Hello weird OHIO weather!

Just need to vent

I need a good...... CRY but nothing will flow down my face RUN but my legs are still tired, still sore and no running for this chick yet :( DONUT but if I ate one, I would instantly feel guilty, would wanna go run it off and so no donut for me :( HUG but noone is home to give me one so I guess I'm out of luck today Sorry had an awful day and just IDK needed to get a few things off my chest. Off to finish laundry, shower, pack and go to sleep

Glass City Half Marathon

Bib FName LName City State Div Age Sex ChipTime ClockTime Overall SexPl DivPl 2011 Alicia Gutierrez Sandusky OH FEMALE 20-24 24 F 2:33:45 2:37:11 1809 948 159 Okay so that thing doesn't really line up...but that is my Clock time---2 hrs and 33 minutes. You guys I feel like I should have had a better time, but honestly I am proud of myself. Okay so yesterday morning it was FREEZING, like I had to wear my leggings underneath my running shorts bc it was SOOO cold. I started out pretty strong till I got to almost mile 3. My right calf got really tight so I had to walk for a few seconds to make the pain go away and then I picked right back up running. I got to the 5k mark around 34 minutes. I hit mile 6.2 at 1 hr and 11 minutes. By this time we were almost done running through the neighborhoods and we were on our way to the trial to head back to Toledo's campus and I was not gonna complain about that. I went to every water station but two. I would take a sip of water from a few of the cups, but I was really just trying to wet my mouth and such. I ate a cinnamon bear at mile 5 and then at mile 8. Towards mile 7 I was really starting to hurt. My feet hurt, my legs were starting to feel like lead and jello. Mentally I was doing okay, but physically my body was ready to be DONE. Around mile 10 came up another clock and it showed that we were at 2 hours. At this point, I had already taken around 4 short walk breaks. My shin never hurt the WHOLE time(Praise the Lord for the brace I wore) but my right calf cramped once, I got a HUGE stitch in my side once, and the other two times my hips were BURNING! At mile 11 I hit THE WALL. At this point, I was just done. I wanted to be finished. I was hurting so badly and I was really starting to feel tired. I was running at a really slow pace(well I felt like a turtle). At this point, the lead marathoner came through and I was just BLOWN away. I mean hello I was at mile 11 and this guy was at mile 24! WHAT THE HECK?! At mile 12 we got to the last water station and they were passing out BEER. Seriously?! Who wants to hydrate with beer! haha Once we were back on campus I was ready for the finish line. I was hurting, I was tired and I was just physically and mentally done. Heck, I listened to Dont Stop Believing 3 times till I got the finish because I knew if I didnt I was just going to WALK to the end. The last mile I was fighting back tears. I have NO idea where the emotion was coming from but man o man I was seriously about to cry when I crossed the finish line and got the mylar heat sheet, water and my Metal!!! I even got a FREE Beer Mug! haha The fans and the volunteers were so supportive though. Encouraging me and such. They were AMAZING!!! I ran with my phone and music. I left my long sleeve tshirt on the whole race and never got super hot. I had a really rough training with shin splints, colds, but I think that if I were to run another one I would definitely use the same plan I used this time. I accomplished my one goal for the race, which was to FINISH and I did that. I am super super sore today, and I have done a little bit of stretching. I took a bath last night and think I will take another one a little later today. Subbing tomorrow, Wednesday and Thursday and then heading to Columbus Friday and Saturday to be a chaperone for a youth group event. I am hoping that I can work out once before the weekend but I guess I will have to see how I feel as the week progresses.

Race weekend is here!

Okay, so apparently Blogger got a new look and I definitely am NOT sure how this new set up works so bare with me until I figure this all out. It may take me a few weeks to get used to this new set up. So last weekend I hung out with a 5 and a 3 yr old, baked brownies and just enjoyed life. I subbed Monday and it was seriously SOO boring. It was study hall ALL day and I felt like a cold popsicle and I almost fell asleep! haha This week all I have done is workout on Tues and Wed. go to Bdubs on Wed. and that is about it. So I am guessing you are NOW wanting me to fill you in on my post title. Why yes, my half is THIS Sunday! I am seriously scared, nervous and not sure if I am truly prepared for this. I have been training since late Dec./early Jan. I dealt with running on treadmills, getting shin splints, feeling like I am hungry all the time, pain, tears, cross training. I know that I can't let myself give up. I have to not let my mind win the battle. If I have to stop and walk a little, then I will. I have to rely on God's strength to get me through this. I am going to accomplish something HUGE and I will go out there and give it all I got. I will post sometime next week and let you know how I did. I am going to a Cavs game tonight with the youth pastor and some of the students and leaders. The youth pastor got free tickets so he is taking some of the youth leaders and students to the game. I am excited! Tomorrow I will be driving to Toledo, staying with a few friends and then getting up before the crack of dawn Sunday morning to start my race at the lovely 7 AM. I hope you all have a great weekend :)

201st Post

I made it. I have posted over 200 times. That is SOO crazy!!

My Easter break wasnt too bad. I worked out like everyday and met a new friend at the gym. She is like another mom to me. She has three kids and the one is the same age as me, so needless to say she is my moms age. She is soo great too!

Easter was okay. I went to my grandmas with my mom and then basically felt like a loser bc i was so bored the whole day. I subbed yesterday, today and then tomorrow, monday and next thursday.

My half marathon is in 10 days. I hope I am ready. I dont feel ready, but its okay. I have trained as best as I could. I feel like my shins arent going to be able to handle it, but I know I will have strength to fight. Even if I have to CRY, walk or scream all the way to the finish line. I want to accomplish this. I need to because I really dont have much going for me right now.

Been struggling with sweets and feeling beautiful and how I look. Lets just say I dont want to get into detail with this and tell you all about my struggles. I just feel like people dont want to hear my whine, cry, and be a little b**** on here.

A favor

I just really need prayer. I need my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ to pray for me. To cry out to the Heavenly Father for me. I cant do it right now. I am struggling really bad today. I dont want to go into details, but just pray I feel love, joy, happiness, peace. Maybe even get a hug. I just am so so weary right now.

I also passed out working out today.
Was suppose to sub preschool today and Tues. Both days not enough kiddos for me to stay, so I had to leave.

Lost for words

The rest of my time staying at Tim and Meg's went well. On St. Patrick's day I did a little shopping and then babysat Tim and Meg's kids for them. Last week I subbed two days and did a lot of working out and filling out more teaching applications. This past weekend I basically felt so sick on Saturday(o the JOYS of being a woman) and then yesterday I spent the afternoon with a 5 year old. Seriously MELTS my heart :)

I really dont mknow what all to say lately so that is why I havent really been blogging much. I sent out 6 applications to some schools and so I am just waiting to see if I will hear anything back from them. I am praying I hear from the two that are really close to where I live. I have an interview tomorrow and another one next Wednesday for a summer job. I am not sure which one I want, so basically I am just gonna trust God with whichever one he wants for me.

I am sure some of you are TIRED of hearing me whine about being single, so I am not going to, even though I really need to vent about that and something else that is really bothering me. I just feel like I bore my readers with my complaining, so I am NOT going to complain because its not worth it.

Clinging to hope

Today is two years since I found out that my friend from college dad had passed away at home. It brings up all those memories and emotions that I experienced when I lost mine. Its hard to cling to the Lord when something that unexpected happens in your life. Jessica, John, Josh and Laura--I am praying for you today.

I was suppose to sub this morning, but then I got a call on the way to the school that they didn't need me. I ended up going to spinning and now Im going to take a walk with a friend at one. I am SUPER pumped to see her and her little baby boy Abe!! WHOO!! O and its beautiful here today in Ohio!!! Youth group tonight. I am ready to see what will happen tonight.

Waiting

Right now I'm sitting in the house of the youth pastor of my church. Him and his wife are at a conference in GA and I am housesitting. I have filled out three applications today to try to get a teaching job for next year. Im waiting for a call to try to find a summer job. I am waiting to see if I will get a call from the school district I applied to earlier this week. I am waiting for summer to come. I am waiting to hear back when Tim and Meg are coming home. I am waiting to see if I am babysitting tonight. I feel like I am doing a lot of waiting. A lot of waiting to see what is in God's plan for my life. Its times like these that I am so so glad that I have a relationship with God. I can trust that He has a plan for me because His word tells me this! I know that if I keep trusting, something will happen.

I ended up subbing 4 days last week. It was really good to know that I am starting to get more days, more calls to sub. WHOO!! Sat. I about died during spinning, but I made it through. I went to a funeral and then babysat. Sunday I ran 3.5 miles OUTSIDE :) and it was glorious!!! No pain or anything!! I subbed yesterday and I was suppose to be in a preschool today but they didn't have enough kiddos to let me stay so I had to leave :( boo Dentist appointment at 340, and possibly babysitting at 440. Maybe they will pay me since they do have a kid this week that isn't theirs? I pray I do, if nots its okay.

So what is going on in your life? Anything you would like me to pray for? Let me know :)

If you like giveaways......

you should hop over to Krista's blog and check out her Larabar giveaway :)
http://www.healthyberg.com/2012/03/biggest-loser-larabar-giveaway.html

I have never had a Larabar but I am taking a risk to see if I can win one!!

I had a snowday on Monday. I subbed first grade on Tuesday. High school Music Yesterday. I am subbing for a preschool from 12-230 today. I am super pumped to say that I get to house-sit for a WHOLE week :) WHOO!!!! i am really pumped to NOT be home alot and not have to feel like my mom is down my throat!

Well I am off to waiting for the sun to come up so I can get in a quick run outside. Its like 60 degrees right now!! WHOO!!

A friend Ive had since 6th grade, her daddy passed away last night and my heart is so broken and lost for her and her sisters. I know that pain all too well. Mr. Mork I will miss you so much. Praying for your wife and your beautiful daughters!<3

SNOW DAY!!

I was suppose to sub today...but I got a SNOW day :)

Also, I have become addicted to pinterest! I am doing a March madness ab workout. I am HOPING it helps me to tone up this stubborn stomach problems I have.

I have an interview at 5 today for a position at Macys in the mall. Pray that I get it. It would be for the summer and I would DEFINITELY need it for the summer. For my student loans, gym membership and car insurance. Plus I am planning on going to Haiti next summer with the youth group so of course gotta start saving for that.

March is here

This week I subbed a total of 4 days. They were okay. I am just getting so tired of subbing, that is all. I really am ready for my own classroom. Its even harder because a few more girls in my program now have their own classrooms and I feel like a complete LOSER. BOO

I biked a total of 20 miles this week. This doesnt include spinning on Wednesday morning and then doing Poly. WHOO!!! I am doing spinning tomorrow. I am hoping that next week I ease back into running. I really dont want my shins to bother me anymore. I am just wanting to get back to training.

I ended up eating sweets on Wed. I wanted to kick myself. I really wanna lose some weight and just be happy with how I look.

Ohio weather is seriously so insane this year! I kinda miss snow though :/

A set back

Last Monday I did spinning and then baked with one of the girls in my small group from youth!

Tuesday I worked out and then went to a meeting.

Wednesday I subbed half day, and then literally spent my day from 1230 till 9 in the church doing stuff for youth group and then youth group.

Thursday I worked out, subbed half day and then went to Toledo and grabbed dinner with a friend.

Friday I worked out and then spent the evening with a 9 yr old and a 5 yr old. It was fun.

Saturday I did spinning and then went to a wedding for some college friends. It was so great seeing old friends and catch up on life!

So....I have an issue. I think I am getting shin splints again. I have been taking it easy on this whole running thing. I dont want my shin splints to start up again. So I am going to bike again today and then I am going to try to run a little tomorrow. I do need to get my mileage up. I can run 5 miles, but it needs to be up to 8 this week :( I also have 8 weeks yesterday till my half marathon. UGH!! I am now till then NOT getting any sweets or sugars. Lets see if I can do it!!!

So far it looks like I am going to the church today to help the youth pastors wife do some stuff for the youth group.

Embrace Grace

Last week I subbed 4 days. Everyday but Tuesday. I can do 5 miles on the treadmill, but its getting harder to running the whole miles. I get cramps in my sides and feel so breathless.

Monday I subbed Music. Wednesday was high school Biology. Thursday and Friday was Music. Thursday I was called a liar, a fatso, got a tongue stuck out at me, and then also had a boy say he was going to kick my a$$. O it was lovely!!

I finally experienced frozen yogurt-got it Sat. and let me tell you I am ADDICTED!! I also saw The Vow last night. It wasnt too bad.

I really am working on be confident and working on myself. To not be so hard on myself. To not be a jerk to myself or to be so negative. I am going to need alot of grace and love from Jesus but I know he can help me.

This week I have nothing going on except a meeting tomorrow, youth group on Wednesday, dinner date on Thursday and going to a wedding on Saturday.

Do I really have to put a title on here?

I am not sure who reads my blog anymore. I honestly feel like I am just writing this for myself most of the time.

Lately I have been feeling really really lonely. I am home alone basically every evening. I cook dinner for myself every night. I feel like I have a roomie that is never home, and yet its my mom whom I live with and I dont pay rent. Even at church, which I have been going there since 2004, I feel lonely. Everyone that is my age is married and majority of them are now trying to pop out kiddos or have one. I really dont want pity from anyone. I just feel like I dont belong anywhere. I feel as if I am just floating in space. Yes I have ministries I help out with, but other than that I dont have a group I can be real with. I also feel really 'stuck' in my walk with the Lord. I just dont feel like I can connect with him. I feel like Im not good enough to have his love right now. I feel like I am falling through cracks. I wish that I had someone who really cared for me.

I ran 4 miles today....I subbed half day for a music teacher..off to reading and more laundry

What a week!

Sunday I went to a Superbowl party at my friends and basically played with a baby and ate so much food!

Monday I subbed for a high school, ran 4 miles and then passed out in my bed!

Tuesday I worked out and hung out at the house.

Wednesday I worked out, baked, picked up a youth girl from school, dentist, and church.

Thursday I subbed for 4th grade--where I was told to try to get a teaching job in the North Pole so I can teach Santa's helpers, go to Jupiter to teach the aliens, or Texas! haha I then went to a baby shower and watched Grey's.

Yesterday I ran 4 miles!! cleaned and then went to a basketball game to watch a few girls I know do a biddy cheer thing during the half time.

Today I am helping doing some painting and then going over to a friends house to talk to her about possibly starting to sell 31 products!!

This week I have discovered GREEK on ABC Family and let me see I am IN love with it :)

Have a great weekend :)

Refueling the body

Well hello :)

I was set to go for 5 miles today, and I only made it one mile. My nose was seriously SOO stuffed up I couldnt breathe. I seriously was like wheezing so I cut it to one mile and then did 7 miles on the bike. I will do my 5 miles on Monday.

I have a question....so I know that I am going to HAVE to take something during my half marathon but what? Also, remember I am a very poor post-college person who is a substitute teacher so what can I use that is cheap?

It's been a long time....

Today is three years since my dad died. O man I miss him. His hugs, his laugh, his smile, how smart he was. How patient he was with me, even if he did eventually get mad. How protective he was of me. Cant believe three years ago I got that call at 2:22 on that Monday from my mom saying my dad died at home. Please pray for me. I am having a really hard time with it this week.

Subbed Tuesday and yesterday. Subbing a half day tomorrow. still have my DUMB cough.

Okay, need to be honest. The past three days I have eaten sweets. I feel UGLY, fat, gross. Anyone have any TIPS on how I can control it? I have done it before, but I basically CUT it out of my diet. Like I didnt eat ANYTHING sweet for a whole summer and lost like 10 pounds. IDK if I should try that again. I just feel so blah lately.

The Worn Out Woman

So the past few days I have been reading a book called The Worn Out Woman-when your life is full and your spirit is empty. Its by Dr. Steve Stephens and Alice Gray.

These are a few quotes I found that really spoke to me. I really wanted to share with you. Enjoy :)

God is...Someone who understands your past believes in your future and loves you just the way you are. Adapted, Author unknown

A true friend shares freely, advises wisely, assists willingly, encourages quickly, takes all patiently, defends courageously, and continues a friend unchangeably. Apated from William Penn

It's a truth we want to pass on to our children: Nobody's perfect- we're all jerks saved by grace. Kathy Peel

What Have You Lost?
A man once went to a minster for counseling. He was in the midst of a financial collapse.
"I've lost everything," he bemoaned.
"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that you've lost your faith."
"No," the man corrected him, "I haven't lost my faith."
"Well, then I'm sad to hear that you've lost your character."
"I didn't say that," he corrected. "I still have my character."
"I'm so sorry to hear that you've lost your salvation."
"That's not what I said," the man objected.
"I haven't lost my salvation."
"You have your faith, your character, your salvation. Seems to me," the minister observed, "that you've lost none of the things that really matter."
Max Lucado

Ladies, I hope that this encourages you. TO really see that no matter how busy your life is, the Lord is the one that trusts in us, encourages us, and believes in us. He will never give us something that we can't handle.

I feel it in my bones

Last weekend was pretty good. The youth group trip to Columbus was good. We did have to drive down in some yucky weather, but we survived. The event was pretty good. I did learn some things, so I thought that was pretty beneficial. I always like growing in my walk with the Lord. I did have a little breakdown when another girl was talking about how she had lost her dad in Nov. I just lost it. It was pretty rough.

This week I subbed Monday and Wednesday. I ran 3 miles without stopping on Monday!! I was so proud of myself. I walked the last mile because I started to cough alot. The only downfall of being sick with a cold right now. But I toughed out 3 miles. WHOO!! I have fallen in love with spinning and I am really trying to work on toning up my arms again. I used to have some define muscle in my arms from gymnastics. Now they just look boring and UGLY. My life has been pretty boring this week. Doing laundry, some cleaning, getting my shows cancelled on Tuesday bc of the dumb President thing on TV. Which I dont really care about because I dont like politics and I really dont understand anything that is going on so take that Mr. President.

Well I am going to go take my little cant sleep body around the internet some more. Nothing really planned for the weekend. I live a very boring life. Someone should suggest some books to read, or recipes to make, or a new hobby to try, or better yet I should come visit you and become a new running buddy! Yeah!!

Substitute experience

I finally got to sub today. I havent gotten anything since last Wednesday. I was in a kindergarten classroom. First off I get there and the teacher is there. She tells me where things are and some about her lesson. Secondly she has three birds, a frog and a toad in her classroom. Warns me about if the students get too loud, the bird name Baby will go insane. Im thinking what the heck?! 930 rolls around and the students are split into their reading groups. All of a sudden, a little boy throws up all over the desk, his assignment. Its EVERYWHERE. I buzz the office and they send someone down. Thank goodness he wasnt in my group. One of the other teachers in there handled it. We had indoor recess and they were going to watch Diego. Well we got done with math a few minutes early, so I decided to just play the movie earlier. Well all of a sudden a yearbook photographer waltz in, asking if they had done their centers. I said yes. She then wants to do candid pictures of the students. Ummm...do you NOT see them sitting here QUIETLY watching a movie. I was so annoyed and then they wouldnt get quiet after she left. UGH! Afternoon was pretty uneventful. It was quite an adventure and lets say I wanted to share it with you. Ive never dealt with any of that before, so needless to say it was quite a humorous day! haha

Chaperoning a youth group event in Columbus tomorrow. Sunday is church and hanging out with one of my friends. I am excited for this weekend. Im sure it will be going quick!!! Be careful with all the snow out there(if you have any) stay warm and watch lots of movies to entertain yourself :)

I really just wanna

be subbing today. But hence I havent gotten anything for a week now :( I wanna cry. I feel like SUCH a loser. It doesnt even give me confidence to be a real teacher now with my own classroom. Anyone wanna start our own school? Homeschool? Something? UGH I just want a hug and someone to tell me that it will happen soon. Right now I just wanna scream, cry and run away

I I love you like a love song baby

This weekend was really uneventful. Babysat Friday and Saturday. I baked both nights with the kids I watched. I went to a baby shower Sunday. I have eaten sweets Sunday and yesterday. Dumb period. I loathe you. I always feel so huge and whale like. It makes me feel as if I weight 100 more pounds than I do and I never wanna eat when I am on it because I feel as if I am gaining weight by the second. Yes I am a weird one.

I have fallen in love with the class of spinning. I LOVE it!! I am always like the youngest person in the class but its okay. Its a good workout. Speaking of spinning this is a weird story. So in the summer of 07 I worked at the Great Wolf Lodge as a lifeguard and met a boy that summer. We talked that whole Fall semester of my sophomore year. He lived in TX, me in Sandusky. Well, low and behold, his lovely mother was at the same spin class as me and I met her yesterday. She is such a sweet lady. I still am friends with Matt. Its just funny that almost 5 years later I run into his family wherever I go.

I have decided to keep breads, chips, and sweets(for the most part) out of my diet. I really need to work on losing some more of the nastyness around my stomach. I just feel so ugly all the dang time. I am so jealous of the girls who have flat stomachs. Who can wear bikinis. Who feel confident in their own skin.

Words have caused more pain than sticks and stones

It is so weird to think that I can eat normal food again. I made puppy chow yesterday and o.my.gosh it was amazing. Except now Im scared Im gonna gain like 1,000 pounds from eating and I dont wanna do that. I am glad that I can make choices about what I want to eat and can enjoy cooking again.

So majority of my readers know that I am a substitute teacher. I know that it has its flaws. It is hard. Sometimes you dont know what you're going to teach and how the class will treat you. Sometimes it is good to laugh and enjoy the class. Now my mom doesn't have any clue about the whole teaching world. She is now down my throat about it. Telling me that I need to try harder to get a sub position. Asking why I dont have a long term sub job. She is basically stabbing me in the heart with her words. It is the worst feeling ever when a mother does that to her child. I pray that I don't do that when I have children. I want to love them like Jesus, and of course be a parent I never really had in my life. A parent that was a Christian, and showed passion, love and support. Right now, I have this deep feeling in the pit of my stomach telling me that I will NEVER get a teaching job. I feel as if I am failure in life. I have noone to really talk to. Will someone tell me that I will find a teaching job sometime? Will someone speak truth, encouragement and love into my life right now? I really just wish that I had a better home life. This is causing me to miss my dad even more than anything.

Daniel Fast 10

Subbing wasn't too bad yesterday. The 3rd graders were pretty good actually! I ended up tutoring for like 10 minutes yesterday because the girl was like really late. I was really annoyed. I wished the mom would have called me. For dinner last night I ate vegetarian style at Chipotle. It was YUMMY! I was even full when I was done :)

Today is my last day of the fast. We are now only doing a 10 day fast and I have really learned alot about the Lord and myself these past 10 days. I have learned to cling to Jesus, to see that he is the one that holds me up in any situation. Today's reading is from Luke 4. Yes I have been tempted by many things during this fast. I have been strong. I have a new look on foods. I know that I do have some issues with sweets and I do want to cut them out of my life for a while longer so I am going to do that.

Nothing has popped up on the sub website this morning :( So it looks like I am going to the gym, doing some laundry and being a loser today! It's okay though. I dont have money to spend so its alright with me.

Daniel Fast 9

Today's reading is from Romans 12. I need to continue to seek the Lord in the last 12 days. I know that the Lord will one day reveal to me the plan He has for my life. I have to hold tight to that truth. This fast is really helping me to see that I need to rely on God and God only for all my wants, needs and desires. I know that the Lord is the only one that I need in this life.

Today I am either subbing or going to the gym at 8 to run a mile or 3 and do a spinning class. I am tutoring at 430 and then have youth group tonight. I am ready to see what the Lord will do in the lives of these students this month, this year!!

I gotta be real about this fast. I am so tired of eating the same foods. I am tired of being hungry. I just really want some real food soon. I am always experiencing slight headaches every night around an hour or so before I go to bed. They really suck to be honest.

Edit 11:05 AM

I went to the gym, ran a mile to warm up, and then did a spinning class. I definitely think my legs were going to fall off!! hahah I am off to sub a half day in a 3rd grade class. I am excited to make some money today.

B-apple with natural pb
l-nuts and a few strawberries

Daniel Fast 8

Moving into week two of the Daniel Fast. I am feeling pretty good lately. I still feel really hungry all the the time, but I am just used to it by now! haha I have noticed that my stomach area isn't as puffy and it seems to have shrunk some :) If I lose some weight, then so be it. I need to anyway.

Today's reading comes from Psalm 100. You know I really haven't praised the Lord or given him joy throughout this whole process yet. Lord, I am so in awe of you right now. I know that you are going to use me to help your Kingdom. I am so grateful for all that you do for me in my life. I know that one day I will overcome some big obstacles in my life and that you are the one who has given me strength. Continue to be the light of my life and to work in me through the good and the bad. In your precious name I pray, Amen.

No idea what I am doing today. Meeting with the music pastor at three and I know I am working out, but who knows what else is on the agenda for the day.

Edit 5:13
This morning I didnt get a sub position so I went to the gym. I ran 2 miles on the treadmill and then walked two afterwards. I went over to my friends house played with her baby, got my eyebrows plucked, got a makeover, got a shirt at the mall, met with the pastor about the Easter production which he wants me to help come up with some routines for a few of the songs in the production. Now I am watching Knocked up on tv and will take a shower in a little bit and settle down to watch all of my love affairs with some shows!!
B-few bites of oatmeal which was GROSS...orange
l-nuts
d-apple with natural pb

Not feeling really happy about myself today. I feel fat, ugly, loser like. I want a real teaching job, to live on my own, a boyfriend or a husband, a baby, a skinny beautiful body. I want all of these amazing desires and yet I feel like the Lord hasnt heard me yet. I just wish that my life was completely different sometimes :(

Daniel Fast Day 7

Yesterday's title should have said 6, but apparently I can't think when I'm that tired so cut me some slack! haha

Have no sub position for today yet :( To all my teacher friends out there, how do I NOT get discouraged about subbing. I hate that everyday I have to check a website for hours on end. Some days I dont find ANYTHING. I am starting to feel as if I am NEVER going to find a teaching job. I love children, teaching and everything else about it, but gosh darn I am just over the whole subbing thing. Either this week or next week I am going to start looking for a part time/summer job because I really need the extra money. I need to start saving for my other loans that I will have to start paying eventually.

Today's bible reading is from Mark 14:1-26. This is talking about being broken and pouring out my life to the Lord. I need to be like the vase of perfume that was shattered and poured over Jesus. I have to share my life with God, even though He already knows. I know I will be working on this in my walk with the Lord.

Today I will be going to the gym, maybe some chores, and having a phone date with my friend Sam!! I am really excited to chat with her today!!!

Edit- 6:13
I subbed 2nd grade today. It wasnt too bad. After school I got to chat with a friend for about a half an hour. I went to the gym ran 1 mile(legs TIGHT), biked for a mile and then did spinning! So insane!!
B-apple with pb
l-orange, 1/4 cup of nuts, few bites of dried apricots,
d-some peas with some nuts, apple with pb, a few slices of pickle, and a 1/4 cup of trail mix nuts

Daniel Fast 5

Well yesterday was really fun!! I met up with my friend Alana in Toledo and we grabbed breakfast. We went to Bob Evan's and I got the fruit plate. The waitress YELLED at me because I didnt eat my yogurt. I was full and I couldnt say O I cant eat it right now! haha She made me take home my bread though.
The wedding was BEAUTIFUL!!! I am so excited for John and Kerri! On the way over to the church I ate like 10 cashews that were in my car and then at the reception I ate the veggies--green beans, corn, potatoes and carrots. YUM. I was SOO sad I couldnt eat the pie :( I was like drooling over all of it :(

Today's reading is from Isaiah 58. This reading was really good. IT helped me to think about that I am NOT doing this fast for just myself. I am doing this to strength my relationship with the Lord and to change how to I view the Lord and what he does in my life. I know that the Lord is working on my heart and my mind. He is doing what he is SUPPOSE to do!!

Today is church and who knows what else? I know I am going to bed early tonight. Gotta get up at 530 tomorrow :( I'll post later what I did and how my eats were.

Edit 1:02
Church was good, but I felt really lonely and unloved today at church. I just wish I had a boyfriend sometimes :/

B-few strawberries
l-few slices of dried mangoes, 1/4 cup of trail mix, dried pineapples.

I am so famished right now, and tired, and just want something to do.

Edit 4:39
I took an hour nap...still feel exhausted and blah. I have already eaten dinner..sweet potato, some peas with some nuts thrown on top and then a few pickle slices. I am going to watch another sermon, take a shower and go to bed early. I am SOO tired

Daniel fast Day 5

Well........so I was having a relaxing night last night and around 830 I got a HUGE headache. I seriously couldn't handle it. I had to take some medicine. I ended up having to eat an apple with natural peanut butter and a bowl of Special K cereal. yes I cheated. I had to. I knew if I ate real food it would help with the medicine to get through my blood stream faster. Today is a brand new day, and I AM going to do better today.

Today's bible reading is from Matthew 6:5-18. It first talks about praying, and how to pray. It then goes into fasting and what to do. I do have a few friends who think I am INSANE for doing this. I am doing this to grow in my relationship with the Lord. I am working on some areas in my life that I struggle with and it is really helping me to seek the Lord more in my walk.

I am driving to Toledo to meet up with a friend for breakfast(this shall be interesting) and then I am going to a wedding(dinner tonight will be even MORE interesting!!) I am excited to see friends from college and to see two of my friends start a Godly marriage :) Off to finish getting ready!!! I will post tomorrow morning what I ate and such!!!

Daniel Fast 4

Well a few hours after I got home from tutoring, I felt so famished I had to eat something...so I ate an apple with some natural peanut butter and some nuts. I feel pretty good this morning. Kinda feel like I have a headache coming on, but its not really bad. Its really faint in my head right now. The past two days I have constantly been feeling SUPER hungry. I feel as if I could eat a baby elephant. That is HOW hungry I am!! I definitely can't wait until I can eat meat again. I know that I am cutting breads and sweets out for another while after this fast is over. I LOVE them too much, and I can go without them for another while.

The reading today is from Psalm 119. This is by far the reading that really had gotten to me. It is the longest chapter in the Bible. I LOVE a bunch of these verses. I have to keep trusting the Lord. His unfailing love is going to get me through this. I know that he will!! I know without a shadow of a doubt that the Lord is helping me through all of this. I am believing in His word, His truth throughout all of this!! No idea what I am doing today. Nothing has popped up for subbing today. I know I am going to the gym to work out, but who knows what I am doing the rest of the day if I don't sub. Be a bum which I HATE to do. Does anyone out there have any suggestions of hobbies I can pick up? I would love something to do besides just sitting on my computer doing nothing all day.

Edit-5:18
I didnt get any sub position today :( I did go to the gym, was there for almost 2 hours, ran to the post office, came home did nothing, ran to Target and now just sitting here on my butt!
B-apple w natural peanut butter
l-some veggies with nuts thrown in, olives
d-peas with almonds thrown on top, some olives and some pickles. O I cant forget my few pieces of kiwi with some strawberries!!

Yes I know that I am SOOO very weird with my food.

I am sooo tired of seeing crazy amazing food commercials. I want frozen yogurt, apple bees, Olive garden, a BURGER, sweet potato fries. Can I PLEASE just eat amazing food?! O and then I was told today that I look fat. Well thanks lady at the gym, that is why I am here working out, so I can LOSE weight :(

Daniel Fast 3

Today's reading is Daniel 1. Its so cool to think that Daniel refused to eat what the King wanted him to eat. They challenged themselves, their walk wit the Lord in order to better their relationship with God.

Well last night for dinner I ate some dried fruit and some cashews. Well then, my stomach really started to hurt. I felt dizzy, sick to my stomach. I ended up throwing up. I think I may eat a normal breakfast today, being really careful of what I eat. It really made me nervous. The youth pastor has been sick for two days now, but he is pop/coffee/tea addict so we think its from withdrawls of that. I on the other hand, dont drink any of that so no worries with that. I think I either drank too much water, my body is rejecting me, or Satan was attacking me.

Well IDK if Im subbing today. If I dont, I am meeting up with a friend and we're hanging out, maybe meeting with the youth pastor to talk about some stuff, and then tutoring at 4:30. Right now, all I wanna do is sleep and feel better.

Doubt it Im working out today. My body is REALLY sore. Like I wanna cry Im in so much pain. Ill check back in later with how I did and what I ate and all that.

EDIT-3:46
I did sub today. First grade is was an okay day. I did feel normal today, so that is good. I ate a few strawberries for breakfast...an orange, some nuts, and some dried mango pieces for lunch...and when i got home i ate some nuts, two slices of the dried mango, some steamed veggies and then some strawberries/kiwis. I seriously felt SO famished!! I def. dont feel very satisfied with my meals today. I am tutoring in a little bit and then Ill come home, shower, watch Grey's and go to bed!!

Daniel Fast Day 2

Today's reading is 1 Chronicles 21:18-27. This is about David building an altar.

Not really sure what I am doing today. Nothing is popping up on the sub website. I do have a TON of shows I need to watch because I fell asleep at 9 last night and missed all of my shows! haha I may go to the gym today and work out cause I really need to.
Not sure what I am eating today. I will blog about it later. Last night, after I ate dinner I did feel really weak, like I either wanted to pass out or throw up. I didnt do either, but I think working out for two hours AND waking up at 310 really killed me yesterday!! I hope everyone has a great Wednesday! I do have youth group tonight and Im really excited to see this new series kick off!

EDIT 1:47--
I ate an apple before I went to the gym. My lunch was a tiny bowl of cashews and then threw some on top of the steamed veggies i had left from last night. I just inhaled an apple with natural pb. I have been SOOOOO hungry all day. Like I really want chocolate, or meat or something that is FILLING. I want food that is bad for me. UGH today is really hard.

I ran/walked 2.65 miles on the treadmill this morning. I then biked for 8 miles afterwards. I didnt sub today :( Its okay though. I just have to keep trusting that the Lord is going to provide everything that I need. I am hoping that the fast gets a lot easier. Cause all i can think about right now is FOOD

Daniel Fast Day 1

This morning I read Daniel 10. I am not letting wine, meat, carbs, sweets or anything that isnt fruits, veggies, and nuts pass through my lips for 21 days. I am really really nervous about this. I am NOT gonna lie. I know that this will be physically hard. I am just trusting that the Lord will work in me, be by my side and that I can get through this.

Subbing third grade today! i am really excited!!! I am also starting my half marathon training today. 2 miles today! I am hoping I can do it :)

I'll post later about what I ate and how I felt all day.

6:13
I RAN 2 miles baby in 21ish minutes :)
I forgot to eat breakfast. OOPS
Lunch was 1/4 cup of nuts. 1/4 cups of dried Apricots. Apple
Dinner-tiny bowl of cashews. steamed veggies and threw in nuts.

I am really feeling good today. Other than being SUPER tired. I woke up at 3:10 this morning and couldnt go back to sleep :(

Day one

Day one of 2012. I definitely cant wait to see what the Lord does this year in my life. Starting Tuesday I am doing a 21 day Daniel Fast. I will be blogging devotions and talking about my journey going through this. I just wanted to let any readers I have know that I will be really challenging my walk with the Lord and my physical self.

I really wish I had someone to play a board game with. I am SOOOO bored right now