PRAISE THE LORD :D

Well, I am guessing by my title you want to know why I am saying PRAISE THE LORD!! I want to praise him because he is SUCH my provider in this world. I feel like lately I have done a TON of grumbling, whining, crying, being pitiful and awful. Well my friends(do I have any out there?!) I am going to praise GOD because He seriously BLEW me out of the water this morning!!

First off, I have 8 friends pregnant: yes you read that right. Brittany due in later this month/October, Tona is due November, Julie R. one December, Ashley February, Christine in March, Becca is April, Whitney and Julie T. are due in May. HOLY CHICKENS! I feel like the world is repopulating!! I am SUPER excited for each one of them, especially since a few of the babies are MIRACLES from our heavenly Father, but at the same time, I am TRYING NOT to be sad about it. Yes I desire to be married, have a family, and be a mother one day, but right now it is VERY difficult for me NOT sad and be cry about this.

Okay, enough of trying to hide my emotions from you: I turned in my stuff to P-district today(hoping I get called ASAP). I called H and M districts today--they are waiting on one of my references to get back to them. Well come on lady lets get this ball ROLLING! I then was starting to feel anxious, so I went to the answering machine and listened to the machine, hoping I could find the Renhill number to call S-district. I called the number, told them I wanted to check my progress of my application, and the lady goes is this Alicia(yes that is my LEGAL name) and then tried to say my last name and butchered it. I said yes this is she. She then goes,"O well I just sent you your welcome packet." In my head Im thinking, I have to wait how many days for the mail? I said, in my email? She said yes. I check it and BAM! Im hired by them!! So now I have to keep clicking the refresh button in this website so that I can try to grab a sub job. I am seriously so giddy and excited! I want to celebrate! Wish I had some friends to celebrate with right now. O well. Maybe soon?

It goes to show me that my God has some BIG plans for me :D

Just one of those days

This morning I woke up, cold to the bone. I was lazy when I woke up. Ate some granola. did some arms(going for a run later). straightened my hair. read/watched some tv. bank. gas. eye appointment. told the eye doctor about my left contact moving on me. Then was told I have some weird little dots on my eyes. Took out my contacts to get my eyes checked. tears come pouring out fest number one. went to pay and tears coming pouring out fest number two. have to wear my ugly ugly glasses for three weeks :( went to panera to ask my mom if i can go get the drops. tears come pouring out fest number three. go to kroger. lady told me it was take 20 minutes. look at magazines. realize i havent eaten lunch. go get my drops. was told it would take a few more minutes. tears come pouring out fest number four. a little old man asked me if there was anything he could do. said no. got said drops. walked to car and a dumb dog started barking at me and scared me half to death. got to car. tears coming pouring out fest number five. drive home. get mail. got PARENTING(idk where it is coming from but whatev) a car from a friend whose bridal shower i went to and then a letter. a letter saying that a school district wants me to be a SUBSTITUTE :D My little sad eyes arent crying any more. After having such a crazy afternoon, coming good came out of it. In my devotions this morning, I told God I wasn't going to worry about a job, that I am trusting Him, and look I got a letter saying they want me to sub this school year! Gotta turn in a form on Monday and then I will be good to go :) Yay I guess I just needed to Let go and let God handle my life. As for the eyes, gotta put some DUMB drops in my eyes four times a day, become a cloudy mess and wear my ugly glasses for 3 weeks. This may bother my running, since I dont like my glasses, have never RAN in my glasses, and I can barely see anything without them. Hmm May be work out videos for a while. Pray Pray pray that I hear from the two companies soon.

Trying to learn patience

I have been pushing this post off all week. I try to write, but lately it has been hard. This week has been so trying. A time of my life where all I want to do is jump in my car and go as far as I can. But I cant. I can't go anywhere. I turned in my stuff to a school district and to a company and now I'm just playing the waiting game. O this game SUCKS. I have probably cried every day of my life. I just want to hear from someone soon. Why does this season of my life have to be so hard. No one ever told me that post-college life would be this hard. No job, no friends, no boyfriend, barely any money, no community. It is stressful. I have been told to be patient, to wait, that God has a plan for me. And yet, it is so hard. It is hard to wait because I want something to happen NOW. I just feel so down on myself. I feel like I am a loser that I cant find a job. That I dont have a boyfriend. That I barely have any friends. I feel like my life is just poop and stupid right now. I really want something in my life to happen. To make me feel like it is worth all the effort I am putting out. I really dont know what else to say. My life is so boring. Sit at home, watch shows, read, and feel like a loser. Tues, Wed, and yesterday I stayed in ugly clothes all day. No point to put effort into my look when I dont have plans or anything to do. Can someone send me a hug, some love, encouragement, something?

Anxious

This weekend was full of randomness. Friday night I spent the evening cleaning a basement with my mom. Needless to say we still have a LOT to tackle still and at the end of this project Ill know a TON about basements! Saturday I did nothing but wash a million towels and visited a friend and her little baby. Sunday I went to church, to the park, got ice cream(that I later felt guilty about) and then watched football with a bunch of friends.

Im still in shock that 10 years ago yesterday I was in 8th grade when I heard about the attacks and the airplanes and buildings I never knew about.

Good news blog friends------I got my teaching license on Saturday. My rockets may not have won, but at least I was way proud of them after that game. I turned in my stuff today at one school district this morning (its going to the board on Wed!) and then I faxed my license to a company so that I can wait once again for an email saying the next part of this long boring process. I am just so so sick and tired of doing nothing. Im sick of feeling like a loser. Im sick of not having friends or a life. I am sick of feeling like I am wasting my college degree on doing NOTHING with my life. Blah now I feel like I am going to cry my poor little eyes out. Wah. Can some blog friend please come be my real life friend and hang out with me, run with me and just be an encouragement to me.

Well I'm back to doing laundry, cleaning the basement and praying that I can somehow lose 15 pounds without really wanting to work out today? I have NO motivation at all today to do any physical exercise and I really need to. I feel like Im getting fatter by the minute.

It's time for....

It's back in my life:













Apple picking with friends...from Fall 10 :)

I LOVE fall :) I love that I get to wear jeans again and hoodies and shoes. I love leaves, pumpkins(anything with pumpkin in the food I WANT!!), football, apple picking, bonfires, hayrides. I am so incredibly exhausted today. I went to campus yesterday to get a transcript, and then I stayed for CRU. Saw so many friends and at the same time I felt like I didnt belong anymore there. It was kind of heartbreaking.

On a different note: I am still waiting for my license, so I barely have any money right now. It sucks. I am so scared. I am scared it wont come soon, and then Ill miss out on all these opportunities to sub and stuff. I really need the income like now. I gotta start paying back student loans in a few months(EEK). Pray for my heart. Its been really sad lately, just dealing with a lot of stuff and yeah. I have ran once this week since I have signed up for that half marathon. I am still kind of nervous about it, but I am not worried. I know God will help me get through this. I know I can do it. I want the dumb rainy weather in Ohio to go away. I am sick of rain, and how it keeps giving me headaches.

What do you enjoy about the fall season? Please share with me. I would love to hear from some blog friends on this entry!<3

I feel like my heart is gonna burst outta my body

Sooo you know how I ran a 5k in April....well I am now signed up for a half marathon in April. I am seriously so nervous. IDK how to train for one?! Its like over 7 months away but its still kinda scary to me. I feel like I cant do it :( I dont have a Garmin, I dont know how to map out a path to run? Idk how to work mapyourrun.com or whatever that website is. I may cry. Ive never taken any weird GU or gels or anything. UGH I am kinda nervous now. Can someone please PLEASE give me advice or something?! I may start to cry. I do have over 7 months to train and whatnot. Although I dont have a gym pass(no job yet) and no treadmill here at moms house so IDK how I am gonna be running once winter comes..hopefully Ill have a gym pass soon. I would LOVE training schedules people have used or what not. Thank you so much friends!!!

Phone interview tomorrow to try to be a substitute in two more school districts this year. Pray for me. I really do feel like the Lord is taking this time in my life to mold me, to make me learn to trust him more and more. I do feel kinda scared but its okay. I know it will happen. One day soon I will have that great job, be able to move out, have a date, have a boyfriend, have a fiance, have a husband and a family. Until that happens though I am learning to love God more, to love myself more. To trust Him and have faith. If I dont I am gonna be a wreck and wont know how to be anyone else but myself.

Really need some encouragement right now...

Okay so this is such a rant, a vent a I-want-the-world-to hear what I have to say......
So I just came home from a run/walk like 25 minutes ago. Anyways, I was running my little heart out, jamming to some really awesome tunes(I couldnt even tell ya right now who I was listening to) and all of a sudden, I heard, over my blaring music of course, some dumbo in a car on the street yell go beached whale go. UH what?! I seriously almost cried. I was FIGHTING the tears back the WHOLE time. I wanted to sprint all the way home and just stuff my face(I didnt though) I am trying so incredibly hard to lose like 10-15 pounds, and yet some dumbo in this world had to totally ruin my self-esteem. I had actually been doing okay this week with how I looked. Now I am back to hating myself and wanting to just chop all of the fat off of me. Sometimes people just dont know what they just said can totally crush someone. Its not fair sometimes that my brother got the skinny genes. Its not fair that I still have awful acne like Im a 14 year old freshman in high school.

I babysat yesterday, today and then gotta do it tomorrow. Im praying the family pays me. I need the funds so badly. I am so incredibly scared that I am not going to find a good job someday. I am scared I wont get married, or move out of my moms house. I am scared Im gonna get sick and die like my dad did. I just wish I had a friend right now. I just feel so incredibly lonely right now. I am just so sick and tired of trying so hard at things, and then feeling like it never works out. feeling like a failure. feeling like i am not good enough. Please just pray for me, because right now I am not sure how much more I can take. I am not sure how much more of all of this i can take.