Today is my third day of not subbing this month. I've made muffins this morning. I've been on the verge of tears. Subbing is okay, but I'm definitely ready for my own classroom, my own lesson plans, rules, discipline and everything else that goes with teaching. Working out is alright. I did eat like I had a tapeworm last night though and it sucked. I wanted to make myself throw up but I didn't do it. CJ and I are well. Although, I am ready for that next step....engagement and he isn't. He isn't even close and I am being respectful of that. I definitely don't want to ruin the relationship that we have.
Thanksgiving is in 7 days. In 7 days I will be sitting at a table with my mom, brother and grandma. CJ may be joining us. Sometimes I feel like I may be spending my last one with my grandma. I sometimes am not ready for the day that a guy joins us....or the day my brother brings home a lucky lady whom he loves. I still sometimes miss my daddy and my grandpa, but I know for sure one day I will see my grandpa again!!
This past weekend I went to Reach with the youth group and the Lord totally touched my life. The speaker was talking about relationships with our fathers. I know for a fact that the Lord knew what Pat was going to be speak about and that I was suppose to be there. Pat had everyone close their eyes. He asked the ladies to raise their hands if they never danced with their father. I never did and I realized right then that I never will. Well then he made the ladies who never danced with their fathers to put their arms up and to dance with their heavenly father. Im not going to lie....when Pat said that I thought in my head man he is making us do something silly I dont wanna do this. They started to play How he Loves and I started to dance with the music, and I didn't even begin to sing. I just let the music overtake me. Well then, I began to dance. While dancing, I then felt the Lord wrap his arms around me. I was so overwhelmed with this awesome gesture from the Lord that I ended up breaking down and bawling my eyes out. I had to kneel in front of the chair I was sitting in just to let my emotions overtake my body so that I could have a really really good cry. I still can't believe that the Lord DANCED with me! He cares about me so much that he danced with me. He LOVES me. The Lord really truly LOVES me!!! He LOVES ME!!!!