A 24 year old girl who just graduated with her bachelors of education. A sister. A daughter. a girl whom is learning to take all my blessings and know that they are from God. I am learning to have a heart from the Lord. Everything of my life is HIS.
Thursday night we had international cafe'. I walked around with Dan and Lily to hand out flyers for Saturday. On Saturday we had a free BBQ. We had a lot of people come. I talked to around 5-6 people that are from Spain. I couldn't really talk to them but one of the girls here could so I found her and she talked to them. Sunday we had a night of reflection. I was sitting on the beach, reading the word and spending time with God. While I was sitting here, I noticed the broken seashells in the sea. I see them all the time, but this time I REALLY noticed them. I picked one up and the Lord told me that is you. I am a broken seashell, but unlike it I can be put back together. The Lord is healing my heart. I am handling the grieving process pretty good right now. I have also been set free from my self-image. I am fearfully and wonderfully made from God. Last night we had a meeting and Lauri, one of the directors, talked about freedom. I am free to LOVE, SERVE, and be ME. Pray that I can truly recognize this. O, and I finished a journal yesterday. I started it on the 5th and yeah. Journal 1 of WWSP is done. Whoa that is insane. I am not giving up on having a positive attitude and placing truth in my life. If you can think of any scripture or words of encouragement to help me in this process, please let me know.
~talk to my coworker Bobby
~Continue to heal
~Continue to see beauty inside of me
~Continue to surrender my failures to the Lord
~Have my heart and mind transformed into a positive light attitude
The Lord has been doing crazy things in my heart with the grieving process. I have been feeling a lot of pain and hurt coming to the surface. I have been emotionally drained the last few days because I have been just crying a lot. I am starting to feel like I am slowly healing from losing my dad. Some people know that I have been struggling with my self image. Well the Lord finally broke me free from everything last night. I went to bed feeling weightless and this morning I woke up feeling so amazing. I had such a great attitude at work. I am starting to feel tired right now, but man I am so excited to see what else the Lord is going to do in my life the rest of my time here in Wildwood. Pray that I continue to renew my spirits from God, to keep believing all of the truths into my heart. I want to stay this crazy and happy the rest of my life!!
I'm typing this with great difficulty. I cut my fingers on the tomato slicer at work yesterday. Its not too bad but I am wearing 2 band-aids on my fingers. Pray for healing and no scars! Pray that they stop hurting as well. With this pain, I am realizing Jesus Christ went through alot more pain when he died on the cross for me. So crazy. Love and miss u all!
Friday night a whole group of us went and saw Toy Story 3. I liked it alot, but I did shed some tears at the end. Saturday I went sharing with John and it was amazing! We used Soularium, which is a tool Campus Crusade uses to get into conversations. It has 5 questions and people use pictures to answer these questions. I like this tool alot because it gets into pretty deep conversations. The second group we talked to was a group of 4 girls. They were all college age and we had a really indepth spiritial talk with them. None of them came to christ but it was good to talk to people and have them ask us questions and stuff. Saturday night was men/womens night and the women we went on a dolphin watch. It was sooo amazing!! I loved watching the sunset and being reminded of God's beauty and peace that He can give His children. I thought it was awesome the captain of the boat drove right next to a pod of dolphins and they played hide and seek with us. Yesterday was the first church service I went to since dad died. Yesterday was rough. I cried during my quiet time, crid twice in church. I wasnt having a good day. I didnt want to go to church but at the same time my friend Carolyn was very supportive of me as a sister in Christ and was there for me in my time of need. The community here on project is so much more amazing than anything i have ever experienced. I have to work today and then we have our weekly meeting tonight. Im praying I can spend some wonderful time with the Lord tomorrow on my day off and with my discipler. Pray for my heart as it is feeling very heavy and sad. I am also feeling adequate and not worthy of being a women of god. Love you all
Lately I have been feeling like I have too much of the world on my shoulders. I am going heavy in the grieving process right now. My whole life feels like it is back to that day when I got that call. I have been isolating myself from the others because I feel like no one understands what is going on in my life. I feel so left out alot of times, but I talked to some of the girls last night and I am going to keep telling people about this and to have people walk in this issue with me. Pray that I can get through this. I am getting forced to go to church on Sunday and I am scared to death to go. I dont want to go because I know what they will talk about and I dont want to have a breakdown in a church that I have only been in twice since being here. I am starting to really feel the weight of my body issues. I am still desiring to be thin and to feel beautiful but I really am trying. Work is cutting hours and I am hopefully going to keep qualifying in having 30-40 hrs a week at Burger King. Action Group tonight-I hope I can connect with the girls and not be such a hermit.
I have been at Burger King for a week now. I am starting to feel more comfortable there. It is still a rough environment for me to be in but I am starting to get used to it. Last week we had a Mexican dinner theme on Wednesday and tomorrow is Disney!! I am pumped to see what movie everyone will come up with. Every Thursday we have an International Cafe-I prayed for it last week. Pray that internationals come to communicate with Americans and we can go into spiritual conversations. Saturday we had an outreach day, and I went with a guy named Tim. We didn't get to talk to many people, but I am still praying that one of these days this summer I will lead someone to Christ!! Saturday night we had a Women's night and I become very vulnerable, telling all the girls and staff on this project some of the struggles I have dealt with in my life. Pray that I continue to share my heart with the women here. Tonight we are doing some crazy things involving wearing athletic clothing. O boy! I am loving it here. Mom and brother came to visit me on Sunday and it was good to see people from OHIO!! Continue to pray for me as Sunday is Father's Day and I am missing dad more and more as time goes on here in Wildwood. Also pray that hearts get opened and people want to accept Jesus into their hearts. I love and miss everyone.
Burger King is so stressful!! I wish I was lifeguarding than doing this to be honest. But this is where the Lord has called me for the summer so I must continue to trust Him on this. I have been very exhausted alot lately. Pray that I rely on Him for strength and energy to make it through each day. I havent been feeling well lately, but I am just trucking along pretending that i am okay. I am starting to miss my grandparents. My mom and brother are coming to NJ and I get to see them for a little bit tomorrow. YAY!! Off to work :/
Well I am starting to feel better about being here. I have connected with a few girls here. I am starting to be confident in telling others my story and not being afraid of what others may think. We have gone out sharing twice already and I am pumped to do it more. I have a job for the summer-Burger King. Pray for the people I will come into contact with and that they will be open to what we have to say. I work with 3 other girls that are here on project. There is a deaf student here and we all get to learn sign language. I am pumped to learn alot this summer!!! It is very HOT here!! I almost passed out yesterday. It is so gross and icky feeling here!!! Pray that I start to feel more confident that the Lord is doing crazy stuff in my heart and mind. I love and miss you all!
I arrived in Wildwood yesterday. I am still scared out of my mind. I room with 5 other girls and share a bathroom with 13. I feel like I wont make any friends. I am acting quite shy here which is strange for me. Some facts- took me 13 hrs to get here. I drove myself. I could barely hear most of PA. I cant pump my own gas in NJ-someone will do it for me. You cant text/call while driving. There are Wawa, Quickchecks and shoprites. The boardwalk is so beautiful. The night sky is goregous and the beach seems forever long!! Pray that I find a job, find a friend, find freedom in struggles in areas, and most of all TReAsure the lord!!