Friday, September 30, 2011

I'll see you when I get to heaven

Madison Grace..You were so beautiful. I loved your little smile, you lit up a room when anyone walked in there with you. You were only 10 months old, but I knew the Lord would use you in mighty ways. My heart is heavy for your mommy, your daddy, your brothers Zach and Noah. My heart breaks for little Mackenzie, I'm sure it will be hard for her to lose her baby sister. Its hard for me to watch your aunts Hannah and Grace feel grieve,and especially to watch your uncle Eli who would have protected you until you got married. I pray for your family Madison, that they feel the Lord's comfort, that they cling to you in this time of loss. I pray that they feel your presence, that they can eventually realize that this is a time to trust you, that this was your plan for baby Madison. I am quite jealous that she is already in Heaven with you Heavenly Father, but I know that one day soon I will see her again.

Please pray for this family--Charity and Shawn at the parents. Naamam, Eli, Grace, Hannah, Jacob, Mark, Danielle, Delilah and her husband are going to miss her and so will her grandparents. Pray for comfort, love, peace in this difficult season. Thank you

Thursday, September 29, 2011

Rain rain go away!!

Have you ever felt like your body just feels completely EXHAUSTED?! Mine is like drained.
Sunday-Church, went dress shopping with a few girls, went to a friend's house.
Monday-RAN, half day of subbing in 3rd, then went to dinner with a friend.
Tuesday-full day of subbing in PE gym class, then did random workout things
Yesterday-half day in Special ed, ran, church
Today-took 3 kids to school, ran, going to have lunch with a friend, mting tonight.
Tomorrow-All I know is that I am baking cookies, working out, and seeing a homecoming parade!!
Saturday-christmas program 10-12, and going to grandmas!! Sunday I get to see my brother for his birthday!!!

I am TIRED from waking up at 530 all week. I hurt. My body is like DONE with running, but I need it to keep going. I need to keep running. I can do about 3 1/2 miles. UGH I seriously am like wanting to KILL Myself for signing up for a half in April. I feel like I cant do it. UGH

Fun things coming up in October:
4th-brother's 21st
15th-parents annvi.
16th-dad's birthday
21st-possibly going to cp with a group of friends
22nd-23rd-possibly going to cincy to see my best friends
28th-hayride/bonfire with friends in MI

Hopefully more subbing days(have had 4!) more running, baking(send me some FUN recipes I want to do more fun creative ideas!) and hopefully some dinner dates with some young ladies!!!

Anything fun you looking forward to in October?!

Saturday, September 24, 2011

I want.....

Frozen Yogurt
a really nice run
a boyfriend
a steady income
a baby
pumpkin spice latte
Jesus to come
a friend to hang out with

cant a girl just once get something that she desires?

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Llama Drama

Okay so this is gonna be a bullet point blog...just hang tight.
530AM-alarm goes off. turn on computer and type in my password with eyes shut.
537AM-pull up website i need to see if they need substitutes for the day.
0618AM-a position flew on the screen and i grabbed it. jr high. said title 2.
0655AM-out the door and driving to the school. school starts at 730.
710AM-pull in. walk into office. sign in.
get into the classroom and read the teacher's sub letter. Mouth flies OPEN. I am teaching 5 Social studies classes. 7th grade-2 of them. 8th grade- 3 of them. Read plan and figured well hey this will be a really easy day.
730-a teacher from the team comes in, introduces himself to me(he was there at the building when I was in jr high hahah) and tells me that my first period will be my hardest class for the day. I swallow and say okay.
745-bell rings and students start to come in. All of a sudden I have 6 behavior sheets being handed to me, wanting to be filled out. Get told I have to rate their behaviors/actions during class and then give it back to them at the end of class.
HR/1st Period-I wanted to CRY. Was called small fry, Hispanic. Boys wouldnt listen to me. Things were falling around the room. No one would really listen to my directions. I sent two boys to the office-one was throwing things, being disrespectful, and the other one was telling me off. I got mocked.
2nd period-PRAISE the LORD. Had a few chatty students, but they listened and were quiet when I told them.
3rd-They were angels. They listened and got their work out.
4th-team planning
5th-planning period. read my book I brought
6th-lunch. ate my lunch and then read.
7th period-Students start to come in. Was told they have AP(study hall till 1) I let them have it until 1255. They were getting really noisy and out of hand. I take attendance. Was told that a girl was in the hall and was always late. I go out the door, see her, and call her in. She comes in. She goes to the back of the room and sits at the table and not her desk. I tell her she needs to be in her desk. She said no. I said we all are sitting at our desks today. She argues with me. I tell her that she needs to do what I say. She tells me to F*** off. I about CRIED. I told her that we dont speak that like in this classroom and was told to go to the office. I take attendance. Every student is laughing while I am saying names. Uh hello it is NOT my fault your mother gave you THE hardest name EVER to pronounce. I didnt go to school to pronounce names. I went to be a teacher! Gave them their assignments. I seriously felt like every 4 minutes I was telling someone to be quiet, to turn around to do their work. Well this one student started to complain about the door being open. I turned off the fan because they were loud and told them they didnt get the fan because they werent be quiet. This girl started to whine and try to leave. I said sorry no. She then starts to complain about her cough, her throat. She then starts to spray nasal stuff in her nose. I told her they werent allowed to have medicine in school. Well then a student starts to yell at her for having it, and next thing I knoew she tells the boy to shut up. I said we dont say that in this classroom. She was bugged again, and then said shut up to the boy once again. I told her that it was rude to say that and to get back to her work. She then told me to shut up. I sent her to the office. 15 minutes later, class is over, they are sitting at their desks with no privilege to talk or do anything. Just to sit there.
8th period-they were a little chatty, but by the time it hit 230 I was done. I had a headache. My body hurt. I wanted to cry, sleep, scream, and just go home. Needless to say I had such a crazy day with junior highers. I seriously give mad props to people who teach/have taught junior high/high schoolers. I got annoyed with their little attitudes, their dumb little attitude noise, being rude, not listening. I just wanted to shake them!! I will probably sub at that school again, but next time Im bringing headache medicine, and a longer book to read. When they were doing their review questions, I read my book. I didnt want to be BORED. All I gotta say is that, the Lord seriously got me through that day. If I didnt pray throughout today, I probably would have flipped a lid during 7th period. O and I was told I was mean. Well Im glad. Someone has to lay the law down to you ladies and gents.

Monday, September 19, 2011


Well, I am guessing by my title you want to know why I am saying PRAISE THE LORD!! I want to praise him because he is SUCH my provider in this world. I feel like lately I have done a TON of grumbling, whining, crying, being pitiful and awful. Well my friends(do I have any out there?!) I am going to praise GOD because He seriously BLEW me out of the water this morning!!

First off, I have 8 friends pregnant: yes you read that right. Brittany due in later this month/October, Tona is due November, Julie R. one December, Ashley February, Christine in March, Becca is April, Whitney and Julie T. are due in May. HOLY CHICKENS! I feel like the world is repopulating!! I am SUPER excited for each one of them, especially since a few of the babies are MIRACLES from our heavenly Father, but at the same time, I am TRYING NOT to be sad about it. Yes I desire to be married, have a family, and be a mother one day, but right now it is VERY difficult for me NOT sad and be cry about this.

Okay, enough of trying to hide my emotions from you: I turned in my stuff to P-district today(hoping I get called ASAP). I called H and M districts today--they are waiting on one of my references to get back to them. Well come on lady lets get this ball ROLLING! I then was starting to feel anxious, so I went to the answering machine and listened to the machine, hoping I could find the Renhill number to call S-district. I called the number, told them I wanted to check my progress of my application, and the lady goes is this Alicia(yes that is my LEGAL name) and then tried to say my last name and butchered it. I said yes this is she. She then goes,"O well I just sent you your welcome packet." In my head Im thinking, I have to wait how many days for the mail? I said, in my email? She said yes. I check it and BAM! Im hired by them!! So now I have to keep clicking the refresh button in this website so that I can try to grab a sub job. I am seriously so giddy and excited! I want to celebrate! Wish I had some friends to celebrate with right now. O well. Maybe soon?

It goes to show me that my God has some BIG plans for me :D

Saturday, September 17, 2011

Just one of those days

This morning I woke up, cold to the bone. I was lazy when I woke up. Ate some granola. did some arms(going for a run later). straightened my hair. read/watched some tv. bank. gas. eye appointment. told the eye doctor about my left contact moving on me. Then was told I have some weird little dots on my eyes. Took out my contacts to get my eyes checked. tears come pouring out fest number one. went to pay and tears coming pouring out fest number two. have to wear my ugly ugly glasses for three weeks :( went to panera to ask my mom if i can go get the drops. tears come pouring out fest number three. go to kroger. lady told me it was take 20 minutes. look at magazines. realize i havent eaten lunch. go get my drops. was told it would take a few more minutes. tears come pouring out fest number four. a little old man asked me if there was anything he could do. said no. got said drops. walked to car and a dumb dog started barking at me and scared me half to death. got to car. tears coming pouring out fest number five. drive home. get mail. got PARENTING(idk where it is coming from but whatev) a car from a friend whose bridal shower i went to and then a letter. a letter saying that a school district wants me to be a SUBSTITUTE :D My little sad eyes arent crying any more. After having such a crazy afternoon, coming good came out of it. In my devotions this morning, I told God I wasn't going to worry about a job, that I am trusting Him, and look I got a letter saying they want me to sub this school year! Gotta turn in a form on Monday and then I will be good to go :) Yay I guess I just needed to Let go and let God handle my life. As for the eyes, gotta put some DUMB drops in my eyes four times a day, become a cloudy mess and wear my ugly glasses for 3 weeks. This may bother my running, since I dont like my glasses, have never RAN in my glasses, and I can barely see anything without them. Hmm May be work out videos for a while. Pray Pray pray that I hear from the two companies soon.

Friday, September 16, 2011

Trying to learn patience

I have been pushing this post off all week. I try to write, but lately it has been hard. This week has been so trying. A time of my life where all I want to do is jump in my car and go as far as I can. But I cant. I can't go anywhere. I turned in my stuff to a school district and to a company and now I'm just playing the waiting game. O this game SUCKS. I have probably cried every day of my life. I just want to hear from someone soon. Why does this season of my life have to be so hard. No one ever told me that post-college life would be this hard. No job, no friends, no boyfriend, barely any money, no community. It is stressful. I have been told to be patient, to wait, that God has a plan for me. And yet, it is so hard. It is hard to wait because I want something to happen NOW. I just feel so down on myself. I feel like I am a loser that I cant find a job. That I dont have a boyfriend. That I barely have any friends. I feel like my life is just poop and stupid right now. I really want something in my life to happen. To make me feel like it is worth all the effort I am putting out. I really dont know what else to say. My life is so boring. Sit at home, watch shows, read, and feel like a loser. Tues, Wed, and yesterday I stayed in ugly clothes all day. No point to put effort into my look when I dont have plans or anything to do. Can someone send me a hug, some love, encouragement, something?

Monday, September 12, 2011


This weekend was full of randomness. Friday night I spent the evening cleaning a basement with my mom. Needless to say we still have a LOT to tackle still and at the end of this project Ill know a TON about basements! Saturday I did nothing but wash a million towels and visited a friend and her little baby. Sunday I went to church, to the park, got ice cream(that I later felt guilty about) and then watched football with a bunch of friends.

Im still in shock that 10 years ago yesterday I was in 8th grade when I heard about the attacks and the airplanes and buildings I never knew about.

Good news blog friends------I got my teaching license on Saturday. My rockets may not have won, but at least I was way proud of them after that game. I turned in my stuff today at one school district this morning (its going to the board on Wed!) and then I faxed my license to a company so that I can wait once again for an email saying the next part of this long boring process. I am just so so sick and tired of doing nothing. Im sick of feeling like a loser. Im sick of not having friends or a life. I am sick of feeling like I am wasting my college degree on doing NOTHING with my life. Blah now I feel like I am going to cry my poor little eyes out. Wah. Can some blog friend please come be my real life friend and hang out with me, run with me and just be an encouragement to me.

Well I'm back to doing laundry, cleaning the basement and praying that I can somehow lose 15 pounds without really wanting to work out today? I have NO motivation at all today to do any physical exercise and I really need to. I feel like Im getting fatter by the minute.

Friday, September 9, 2011

It's time for....

It's back in my life:

Apple picking with friends...from Fall 10 :)

I LOVE fall :) I love that I get to wear jeans again and hoodies and shoes. I love leaves, pumpkins(anything with pumpkin in the food I WANT!!), football, apple picking, bonfires, hayrides. I am so incredibly exhausted today. I went to campus yesterday to get a transcript, and then I stayed for CRU. Saw so many friends and at the same time I felt like I didnt belong anymore there. It was kind of heartbreaking.

On a different note: I am still waiting for my license, so I barely have any money right now. It sucks. I am so scared. I am scared it wont come soon, and then Ill miss out on all these opportunities to sub and stuff. I really need the income like now. I gotta start paying back student loans in a few months(EEK). Pray for my heart. Its been really sad lately, just dealing with a lot of stuff and yeah. I have ran once this week since I have signed up for that half marathon. I am still kind of nervous about it, but I am not worried. I know God will help me get through this. I know I can do it. I want the dumb rainy weather in Ohio to go away. I am sick of rain, and how it keeps giving me headaches.

What do you enjoy about the fall season? Please share with me. I would love to hear from some blog friends on this entry!<3

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

I feel like my heart is gonna burst outta my body

Sooo you know how I ran a 5k in April....well I am now signed up for a half marathon in April. I am seriously so nervous. IDK how to train for one?! Its like over 7 months away but its still kinda scary to me. I feel like I cant do it :( I dont have a Garmin, I dont know how to map out a path to run? Idk how to work or whatever that website is. I may cry. Ive never taken any weird GU or gels or anything. UGH I am kinda nervous now. Can someone please PLEASE give me advice or something?! I may start to cry. I do have over 7 months to train and whatnot. Although I dont have a gym pass(no job yet) and no treadmill here at moms house so IDK how I am gonna be running once winter comes..hopefully Ill have a gym pass soon. I would LOVE training schedules people have used or what not. Thank you so much friends!!!

Phone interview tomorrow to try to be a substitute in two more school districts this year. Pray for me. I really do feel like the Lord is taking this time in my life to mold me, to make me learn to trust him more and more. I do feel kinda scared but its okay. I know it will happen. One day soon I will have that great job, be able to move out, have a date, have a boyfriend, have a fiance, have a husband and a family. Until that happens though I am learning to love God more, to love myself more. To trust Him and have faith. If I dont I am gonna be a wreck and wont know how to be anyone else but myself.

Thursday, September 1, 2011

Really need some encouragement right now...

Okay so this is such a rant, a vent a I-want-the-world-to hear what I have to say......
So I just came home from a run/walk like 25 minutes ago. Anyways, I was running my little heart out, jamming to some really awesome tunes(I couldnt even tell ya right now who I was listening to) and all of a sudden, I heard, over my blaring music of course, some dumbo in a car on the street yell go beached whale go. UH what?! I seriously almost cried. I was FIGHTING the tears back the WHOLE time. I wanted to sprint all the way home and just stuff my face(I didnt though) I am trying so incredibly hard to lose like 10-15 pounds, and yet some dumbo in this world had to totally ruin my self-esteem. I had actually been doing okay this week with how I looked. Now I am back to hating myself and wanting to just chop all of the fat off of me. Sometimes people just dont know what they just said can totally crush someone. Its not fair sometimes that my brother got the skinny genes. Its not fair that I still have awful acne like Im a 14 year old freshman in high school.

I babysat yesterday, today and then gotta do it tomorrow. Im praying the family pays me. I need the funds so badly. I am so incredibly scared that I am not going to find a good job someday. I am scared I wont get married, or move out of my moms house. I am scared Im gonna get sick and die like my dad did. I just wish I had a friend right now. I just feel so incredibly lonely right now. I am just so sick and tired of trying so hard at things, and then feeling like it never works out. feeling like a failure. feeling like i am not good enough. Please just pray for me, because right now I am not sure how much more I can take. I am not sure how much more of all of this i can take.