Monday, January 30, 2012

The Worn Out Woman

So the past few days I have been reading a book called The Worn Out Woman-when your life is full and your spirit is empty. Its by Dr. Steve Stephens and Alice Gray.

These are a few quotes I found that really spoke to me. I really wanted to share with you. Enjoy :)

God is...Someone who understands your past believes in your future and loves you just the way you are. Adapted, Author unknown

A true friend shares freely, advises wisely, assists willingly, encourages quickly, takes all patiently, defends courageously, and continues a friend unchangeably. Apated from William Penn

It's a truth we want to pass on to our children: Nobody's perfect- we're all jerks saved by grace. Kathy Peel

What Have You Lost?
A man once went to a minster for counseling. He was in the midst of a financial collapse.
"I've lost everything," he bemoaned.
"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that you've lost your faith."
"No," the man corrected him, "I haven't lost my faith."
"Well, then I'm sad to hear that you've lost your character."
"I didn't say that," he corrected. "I still have my character."
"I'm so sorry to hear that you've lost your salvation."
"That's not what I said," the man objected.
"I haven't lost my salvation."
"You have your faith, your character, your salvation. Seems to me," the minister observed, "that you've lost none of the things that really matter."
Max Lucado

Ladies, I hope that this encourages you. TO really see that no matter how busy your life is, the Lord is the one that trusts in us, encourages us, and believes in us. He will never give us something that we can't handle.

Friday, January 27, 2012

I feel it in my bones

Last weekend was pretty good. The youth group trip to Columbus was good. We did have to drive down in some yucky weather, but we survived. The event was pretty good. I did learn some things, so I thought that was pretty beneficial. I always like growing in my walk with the Lord. I did have a little breakdown when another girl was talking about how she had lost her dad in Nov. I just lost it. It was pretty rough.

This week I subbed Monday and Wednesday. I ran 3 miles without stopping on Monday!! I was so proud of myself. I walked the last mile because I started to cough alot. The only downfall of being sick with a cold right now. But I toughed out 3 miles. WHOO!! I have fallen in love with spinning and I am really trying to work on toning up my arms again. I used to have some define muscle in my arms from gymnastics. Now they just look boring and UGLY. My life has been pretty boring this week. Doing laundry, some cleaning, getting my shows cancelled on Tuesday bc of the dumb President thing on TV. Which I dont really care about because I dont like politics and I really dont understand anything that is going on so take that Mr. President.

Well I am going to go take my little cant sleep body around the internet some more. Nothing really planned for the weekend. I live a very boring life. Someone should suggest some books to read, or recipes to make, or a new hobby to try, or better yet I should come visit you and become a new running buddy! Yeah!!

Friday, January 20, 2012

Substitute experience

I finally got to sub today. I havent gotten anything since last Wednesday. I was in a kindergarten classroom. First off I get there and the teacher is there. She tells me where things are and some about her lesson. Secondly she has three birds, a frog and a toad in her classroom. Warns me about if the students get too loud, the bird name Baby will go insane. Im thinking what the heck?! 930 rolls around and the students are split into their reading groups. All of a sudden, a little boy throws up all over the desk, his assignment. Its EVERYWHERE. I buzz the office and they send someone down. Thank goodness he wasnt in my group. One of the other teachers in there handled it. We had indoor recess and they were going to watch Diego. Well we got done with math a few minutes early, so I decided to just play the movie earlier. Well all of a sudden a yearbook photographer waltz in, asking if they had done their centers. I said yes. She then wants to do candid pictures of the students. you NOT see them sitting here QUIETLY watching a movie. I was so annoyed and then they wouldnt get quiet after she left. UGH! Afternoon was pretty uneventful. It was quite an adventure and lets say I wanted to share it with you. Ive never dealt with any of that before, so needless to say it was quite a humorous day! haha

Chaperoning a youth group event in Columbus tomorrow. Sunday is church and hanging out with one of my friends. I am excited for this weekend. Im sure it will be going quick!!! Be careful with all the snow out there(if you have any) stay warm and watch lots of movies to entertain yourself :)

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

I really just wanna

be subbing today. But hence I havent gotten anything for a week now :( I wanna cry. I feel like SUCH a loser. It doesnt even give me confidence to be a real teacher now with my own classroom. Anyone wanna start our own school? Homeschool? Something? UGH I just want a hug and someone to tell me that it will happen soon. Right now I just wanna scream, cry and run away

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

I I love you like a love song baby

This weekend was really uneventful. Babysat Friday and Saturday. I baked both nights with the kids I watched. I went to a baby shower Sunday. I have eaten sweets Sunday and yesterday. Dumb period. I loathe you. I always feel so huge and whale like. It makes me feel as if I weight 100 more pounds than I do and I never wanna eat when I am on it because I feel as if I am gaining weight by the second. Yes I am a weird one.

I have fallen in love with the class of spinning. I LOVE it!! I am always like the youngest person in the class but its okay. Its a good workout. Speaking of spinning this is a weird story. So in the summer of 07 I worked at the Great Wolf Lodge as a lifeguard and met a boy that summer. We talked that whole Fall semester of my sophomore year. He lived in TX, me in Sandusky. Well, low and behold, his lovely mother was at the same spin class as me and I met her yesterday. She is such a sweet lady. I still am friends with Matt. Its just funny that almost 5 years later I run into his family wherever I go.

I have decided to keep breads, chips, and sweets(for the most part) out of my diet. I really need to work on losing some more of the nastyness around my stomach. I just feel so ugly all the dang time. I am so jealous of the girls who have flat stomachs. Who can wear bikinis. Who feel confident in their own skin.

Saturday, January 14, 2012

Words have caused more pain than sticks and stones

It is so weird to think that I can eat normal food again. I made puppy chow yesterday and it was amazing. Except now Im scared Im gonna gain like 1,000 pounds from eating and I dont wanna do that. I am glad that I can make choices about what I want to eat and can enjoy cooking again.

So majority of my readers know that I am a substitute teacher. I know that it has its flaws. It is hard. Sometimes you dont know what you're going to teach and how the class will treat you. Sometimes it is good to laugh and enjoy the class. Now my mom doesn't have any clue about the whole teaching world. She is now down my throat about it. Telling me that I need to try harder to get a sub position. Asking why I dont have a long term sub job. She is basically stabbing me in the heart with her words. It is the worst feeling ever when a mother does that to her child. I pray that I don't do that when I have children. I want to love them like Jesus, and of course be a parent I never really had in my life. A parent that was a Christian, and showed passion, love and support. Right now, I have this deep feeling in the pit of my stomach telling me that I will NEVER get a teaching job. I feel as if I am failure in life. I have noone to really talk to. Will someone tell me that I will find a teaching job sometime? Will someone speak truth, encouragement and love into my life right now? I really just wish that I had a better home life. This is causing me to miss my dad even more than anything.

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Daniel Fast 10

Subbing wasn't too bad yesterday. The 3rd graders were pretty good actually! I ended up tutoring for like 10 minutes yesterday because the girl was like really late. I was really annoyed. I wished the mom would have called me. For dinner last night I ate vegetarian style at Chipotle. It was YUMMY! I was even full when I was done :)

Today is my last day of the fast. We are now only doing a 10 day fast and I have really learned alot about the Lord and myself these past 10 days. I have learned to cling to Jesus, to see that he is the one that holds me up in any situation. Today's reading is from Luke 4. Yes I have been tempted by many things during this fast. I have been strong. I have a new look on foods. I know that I do have some issues with sweets and I do want to cut them out of my life for a while longer so I am going to do that.

Nothing has popped up on the sub website this morning :( So it looks like I am going to the gym, doing some laundry and being a loser today! It's okay though. I dont have money to spend so its alright with me.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Daniel Fast 9

Today's reading is from Romans 12. I need to continue to seek the Lord in the last 12 days. I know that the Lord will one day reveal to me the plan He has for my life. I have to hold tight to that truth. This fast is really helping me to see that I need to rely on God and God only for all my wants, needs and desires. I know that the Lord is the only one that I need in this life.

Today I am either subbing or going to the gym at 8 to run a mile or 3 and do a spinning class. I am tutoring at 430 and then have youth group tonight. I am ready to see what the Lord will do in the lives of these students this month, this year!!

I gotta be real about this fast. I am so tired of eating the same foods. I am tired of being hungry. I just really want some real food soon. I am always experiencing slight headaches every night around an hour or so before I go to bed. They really suck to be honest.

Edit 11:05 AM

I went to the gym, ran a mile to warm up, and then did a spinning class. I definitely think my legs were going to fall off!! hahah I am off to sub a half day in a 3rd grade class. I am excited to make some money today.

B-apple with natural pb
l-nuts and a few strawberries

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Daniel Fast 8

Moving into week two of the Daniel Fast. I am feeling pretty good lately. I still feel really hungry all the the time, but I am just used to it by now! haha I have noticed that my stomach area isn't as puffy and it seems to have shrunk some :) If I lose some weight, then so be it. I need to anyway.

Today's reading comes from Psalm 100. You know I really haven't praised the Lord or given him joy throughout this whole process yet. Lord, I am so in awe of you right now. I know that you are going to use me to help your Kingdom. I am so grateful for all that you do for me in my life. I know that one day I will overcome some big obstacles in my life and that you are the one who has given me strength. Continue to be the light of my life and to work in me through the good and the bad. In your precious name I pray, Amen.

No idea what I am doing today. Meeting with the music pastor at three and I know I am working out, but who knows what else is on the agenda for the day.

Edit 5:13
This morning I didnt get a sub position so I went to the gym. I ran 2 miles on the treadmill and then walked two afterwards. I went over to my friends house played with her baby, got my eyebrows plucked, got a makeover, got a shirt at the mall, met with the pastor about the Easter production which he wants me to help come up with some routines for a few of the songs in the production. Now I am watching Knocked up on tv and will take a shower in a little bit and settle down to watch all of my love affairs with some shows!!
B-few bites of oatmeal which was
d-apple with natural pb

Not feeling really happy about myself today. I feel fat, ugly, loser like. I want a real teaching job, to live on my own, a boyfriend or a husband, a baby, a skinny beautiful body. I want all of these amazing desires and yet I feel like the Lord hasnt heard me yet. I just wish that my life was completely different sometimes :(

Monday, January 9, 2012

Daniel Fast Day 7

Yesterday's title should have said 6, but apparently I can't think when I'm that tired so cut me some slack! haha

Have no sub position for today yet :( To all my teacher friends out there, how do I NOT get discouraged about subbing. I hate that everyday I have to check a website for hours on end. Some days I dont find ANYTHING. I am starting to feel as if I am NEVER going to find a teaching job. I love children, teaching and everything else about it, but gosh darn I am just over the whole subbing thing. Either this week or next week I am going to start looking for a part time/summer job because I really need the extra money. I need to start saving for my other loans that I will have to start paying eventually.

Today's bible reading is from Mark 14:1-26. This is talking about being broken and pouring out my life to the Lord. I need to be like the vase of perfume that was shattered and poured over Jesus. I have to share my life with God, even though He already knows. I know I will be working on this in my walk with the Lord.

Today I will be going to the gym, maybe some chores, and having a phone date with my friend Sam!! I am really excited to chat with her today!!!

Edit- 6:13
I subbed 2nd grade today. It wasnt too bad. After school I got to chat with a friend for about a half an hour. I went to the gym ran 1 mile(legs TIGHT), biked for a mile and then did spinning! So insane!!
B-apple with pb
l-orange, 1/4 cup of nuts, few bites of dried apricots,
d-some peas with some nuts, apple with pb, a few slices of pickle, and a 1/4 cup of trail mix nuts

Sunday, January 8, 2012

Daniel Fast 5

Well yesterday was really fun!! I met up with my friend Alana in Toledo and we grabbed breakfast. We went to Bob Evan's and I got the fruit plate. The waitress YELLED at me because I didnt eat my yogurt. I was full and I couldnt say O I cant eat it right now! haha She made me take home my bread though.
The wedding was BEAUTIFUL!!! I am so excited for John and Kerri! On the way over to the church I ate like 10 cashews that were in my car and then at the reception I ate the veggies--green beans, corn, potatoes and carrots. YUM. I was SOO sad I couldnt eat the pie :( I was like drooling over all of it :(

Today's reading is from Isaiah 58. This reading was really good. IT helped me to think about that I am NOT doing this fast for just myself. I am doing this to strength my relationship with the Lord and to change how to I view the Lord and what he does in my life. I know that the Lord is working on my heart and my mind. He is doing what he is SUPPOSE to do!!

Today is church and who knows what else? I know I am going to bed early tonight. Gotta get up at 530 tomorrow :( I'll post later what I did and how my eats were.

Edit 1:02
Church was good, but I felt really lonely and unloved today at church. I just wish I had a boyfriend sometimes :/

B-few strawberries
l-few slices of dried mangoes, 1/4 cup of trail mix, dried pineapples.

I am so famished right now, and tired, and just want something to do.

Edit 4:39
I took an hour nap...still feel exhausted and blah. I have already eaten dinner..sweet potato, some peas with some nuts thrown on top and then a few pickle slices. I am going to watch another sermon, take a shower and go to bed early. I am SOO tired

Saturday, January 7, 2012

Daniel fast Day 5 I was having a relaxing night last night and around 830 I got a HUGE headache. I seriously couldn't handle it. I had to take some medicine. I ended up having to eat an apple with natural peanut butter and a bowl of Special K cereal. yes I cheated. I had to. I knew if I ate real food it would help with the medicine to get through my blood stream faster. Today is a brand new day, and I AM going to do better today.

Today's bible reading is from Matthew 6:5-18. It first talks about praying, and how to pray. It then goes into fasting and what to do. I do have a few friends who think I am INSANE for doing this. I am doing this to grow in my relationship with the Lord. I am working on some areas in my life that I struggle with and it is really helping me to seek the Lord more in my walk.

I am driving to Toledo to meet up with a friend for breakfast(this shall be interesting) and then I am going to a wedding(dinner tonight will be even MORE interesting!!) I am excited to see friends from college and to see two of my friends start a Godly marriage :) Off to finish getting ready!!! I will post tomorrow morning what I ate and such!!!

Friday, January 6, 2012

Daniel Fast 4

Well a few hours after I got home from tutoring, I felt so famished I had to eat I ate an apple with some natural peanut butter and some nuts. I feel pretty good this morning. Kinda feel like I have a headache coming on, but its not really bad. Its really faint in my head right now. The past two days I have constantly been feeling SUPER hungry. I feel as if I could eat a baby elephant. That is HOW hungry I am!! I definitely can't wait until I can eat meat again. I know that I am cutting breads and sweets out for another while after this fast is over. I LOVE them too much, and I can go without them for another while.

The reading today is from Psalm 119. This is by far the reading that really had gotten to me. It is the longest chapter in the Bible. I LOVE a bunch of these verses. I have to keep trusting the Lord. His unfailing love is going to get me through this. I know that he will!! I know without a shadow of a doubt that the Lord is helping me through all of this. I am believing in His word, His truth throughout all of this!! No idea what I am doing today. Nothing has popped up for subbing today. I know I am going to the gym to work out, but who knows what I am doing the rest of the day if I don't sub. Be a bum which I HATE to do. Does anyone out there have any suggestions of hobbies I can pick up? I would love something to do besides just sitting on my computer doing nothing all day.

I didnt get any sub position today :( I did go to the gym, was there for almost 2 hours, ran to the post office, came home did nothing, ran to Target and now just sitting here on my butt!
B-apple w natural peanut butter
l-some veggies with nuts thrown in, olives
d-peas with almonds thrown on top, some olives and some pickles. O I cant forget my few pieces of kiwi with some strawberries!!

Yes I know that I am SOOO very weird with my food.

I am sooo tired of seeing crazy amazing food commercials. I want frozen yogurt, apple bees, Olive garden, a BURGER, sweet potato fries. Can I PLEASE just eat amazing food?! O and then I was told today that I look fat. Well thanks lady at the gym, that is why I am here working out, so I can LOSE weight :(

Thursday, January 5, 2012

Daniel Fast 3

Today's reading is Daniel 1. Its so cool to think that Daniel refused to eat what the King wanted him to eat. They challenged themselves, their walk wit the Lord in order to better their relationship with God.

Well last night for dinner I ate some dried fruit and some cashews. Well then, my stomach really started to hurt. I felt dizzy, sick to my stomach. I ended up throwing up. I think I may eat a normal breakfast today, being really careful of what I eat. It really made me nervous. The youth pastor has been sick for two days now, but he is pop/coffee/tea addict so we think its from withdrawls of that. I on the other hand, dont drink any of that so no worries with that. I think I either drank too much water, my body is rejecting me, or Satan was attacking me.

Well IDK if Im subbing today. If I dont, I am meeting up with a friend and we're hanging out, maybe meeting with the youth pastor to talk about some stuff, and then tutoring at 4:30. Right now, all I wanna do is sleep and feel better.

Doubt it Im working out today. My body is REALLY sore. Like I wanna cry Im in so much pain. Ill check back in later with how I did and what I ate and all that.

I did sub today. First grade is was an okay day. I did feel normal today, so that is good. I ate a few strawberries for orange, some nuts, and some dried mango pieces for lunch...and when i got home i ate some nuts, two slices of the dried mango, some steamed veggies and then some strawberries/kiwis. I seriously felt SO famished!! I def. dont feel very satisfied with my meals today. I am tutoring in a little bit and then Ill come home, shower, watch Grey's and go to bed!!

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Daniel Fast Day 2

Today's reading is 1 Chronicles 21:18-27. This is about David building an altar.

Not really sure what I am doing today. Nothing is popping up on the sub website. I do have a TON of shows I need to watch because I fell asleep at 9 last night and missed all of my shows! haha I may go to the gym today and work out cause I really need to.
Not sure what I am eating today. I will blog about it later. Last night, after I ate dinner I did feel really weak, like I either wanted to pass out or throw up. I didnt do either, but I think working out for two hours AND waking up at 310 really killed me yesterday!! I hope everyone has a great Wednesday! I do have youth group tonight and Im really excited to see this new series kick off!

EDIT 1:47--
I ate an apple before I went to the gym. My lunch was a tiny bowl of cashews and then threw some on top of the steamed veggies i had left from last night. I just inhaled an apple with natural pb. I have been SOOOOO hungry all day. Like I really want chocolate, or meat or something that is FILLING. I want food that is bad for me. UGH today is really hard.

I ran/walked 2.65 miles on the treadmill this morning. I then biked for 8 miles afterwards. I didnt sub today :( Its okay though. I just have to keep trusting that the Lord is going to provide everything that I need. I am hoping that the fast gets a lot easier. Cause all i can think about right now is FOOD

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Daniel Fast Day 1

This morning I read Daniel 10. I am not letting wine, meat, carbs, sweets or anything that isnt fruits, veggies, and nuts pass through my lips for 21 days. I am really really nervous about this. I am NOT gonna lie. I know that this will be physically hard. I am just trusting that the Lord will work in me, be by my side and that I can get through this.

Subbing third grade today! i am really excited!!! I am also starting my half marathon training today. 2 miles today! I am hoping I can do it :)

I'll post later about what I ate and how I felt all day.

I RAN 2 miles baby in 21ish minutes :)
I forgot to eat breakfast. OOPS
Lunch was 1/4 cup of nuts. 1/4 cups of dried Apricots. Apple
Dinner-tiny bowl of cashews. steamed veggies and threw in nuts.

I am really feeling good today. Other than being SUPER tired. I woke up at 3:10 this morning and couldnt go back to sleep :(

Sunday, January 1, 2012

Day one

Day one of 2012. I definitely cant wait to see what the Lord does this year in my life. Starting Tuesday I am doing a 21 day Daniel Fast. I will be blogging devotions and talking about my journey going through this. I just wanted to let any readers I have know that I will be really challenging my walk with the Lord and my physical self.

I really wish I had someone to play a board game with. I am SOOOO bored right now