Saturday, March 26, 2011

Day 3

I am on day 3 of wearing my little grey dress. To be honest, I feel so discouraged. It is grey and I feel quite ugly in it. I want to cry. My heart has been so heavy lately. I am struggling with me-my self image, my talents, my gifts, my all. I am not sure what to do lately.
I however am quite missing running outside. This week has be insane. I've been so busy with school and its been so cold I haven't had time to workout, well only Wednesday and I am seriously itching to run again :/ Please get warm again OH so I can run outside.
I almost want to give up-on just every single thing of life lately. I surrender it all to God and yet I feel like I am caught, caught in a time where I cant get out. It sucks quite alot actually.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Can I do it

I still feel rather discouraged--so not sure where God is going to take me on my life journey after graduation. I want to teach, but then I dont. I want to be in a relationship, and yet its not time for me. I want to be married, and yet I havent met him yet. I want to move away, but Im scared to death. I want to pay off my loans, but yet I need a job. Guess Ill just be on my knees crying and praying out to God about my future.
Week 11 of last semester of college starts tomorrow. Im so tired, so annoyed, so ready for this semester to be over with. Im sick of lesson plans, of teaching, of grading, copying things, being sleep deprived, wearing the same clothes every week, but yet my heart has been captured by those children. Those children I love each and every one of them dearly. Its going to be hard to leave them May 18th. I hate I wear my heart on my sleeves most of the time with children.
Starting Thursday, I am going to wear one dress for a month. To help with awareness for sex trafficking. It breaks my heart women out there so young, so gentle are getting awful things done to them. I am not wearing my dress the morning of April 8th for a job fair, or the morning of April 17th for my 5k, and Im gonna try to wear it as much as I can during the school week but Im doing it for women out there that cant stand up for themselves. Ill do it for them. Pray for me as I do this out of faith

Monday, March 14, 2011

New processing

I got the phone call today that I didn't get selected to intern with Cru this coming school year. My heart is seriously so broken right now. I felt that was what the Lord was calling me to do, and now that passion that tug on my heart was a broken chain. I feel like I'm back to square one--who knows what I'll be doing when I graduate. Its not interning with Cru thats for sure. Im scared Im not going to pass my Praxis two and get my licensure to be a teacher. Im so deeply terrified because I dont know what the Lord has my future. Im scared to death that I wont find a job and that my loans wont get paid for. I cant stop crying. My heart is so broken right now. I feel so lost, so confused on what the Lord really has for me. Right now, I feel like I lost my way and I cant find my master. Lord, where are you? Where is that plan you have for me?

running my first 5k April 17th. Im training and I'm ready to experience my first race.

week 10 of spring semester. Lord, do I HAVE to graduate college??