Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Finding the Good in this?

First week of my last year at Toledo is over with and let me say this-I feel like Im back to the first week of project. Not liking this(living alone) and wanting to return to my comfort zone(project and wildwood) and at the same time I have to learn to Trust God again and to rely on Him that this is the plan He has for me. I know I gotta finish my last year of school, but at the same time Im scared to death!! I graduate in MAY, and have to become a real person with a REAL job and heck I dont even have a relationship even close to starting. *sigh* I am just learning to Trust and know that this is what God has for me. His plan is WAY bigger than anything else there is for me out there in this garbage world. Im still really missing my project friends and everything else there is about it and at the same time, I am enjoying being with my friends here-running, ultimate, rock climbing, random parties at my apartment, and just learning to be an adult. I still haven't started much school yet(what is homework?) but I am learning to be content with what I have right now. I may not have a roommate, but I like the quietness of not worrying about interupting quiet times or study habits or heck I dont have to be rude with the lights off at whatever time I decided to go to bed at!! I need to learn to find the GOOD in things and just TRUST.

Monday, August 23, 2010

Lonely Heart

I have been back in Toledo since Friday. I have seen a ton of friends, went to Nickel World, celebrated birthdays, got to a picnic, grocery shopping, church, and spent like a million hours at a table today telling people on campus to fill out a survery for a chance to win $200.
It is quite lonely living on my own. I feel like noone really wants to do stuff with me. I feel like everyone is so caught up in their lives and Im getting left behind. My apartment is so quiet and huge. I have way too much space. I dont know what to do with it all. I still need my futon put together and everything still. I love buying my own food and cooking though. I havent really had anything fancy. I did make tacos the first night I was in my apartment and valerie ate with me. Im praying the community on campus moves together as one. we come and just let this campus be on fire for the lord!! ahh!!! Today was my last first day of classes. bittersweet to think that in may i will actually be a college graduate! ahh!

Tuesday, August 17, 2010


My bed is so much more quieter than my project bed. I dont share a room with 5 girls or a bathroom with 13 girls. I dont have to worry about people eating my food or paying to wash my clothes.
My home church has pews and we sing songs I actually know. We have altar calls and we dont eat breakfast while worshipping God.
I cant wait 4 blocks to the ocean, but I can drive 3 miles to the lake. I dont have to worry about jellyfish or random animals swimming by me while Im playing in the water.
I can run outside without dodging others and or dying from the heat. My schedule is very laid back right now and Im not always checkin the time to see what I need to get to next. I dont have to cook my meals and I dont have to worry where my car keys are at. I do however live in a house where noone is trying to encourage me in my faith or just asking me how I am really doing in life.
Home life is quite different than project life. Community here basically sucks and I am starting to feel like noone really loves me. I am just not sure how to really communicate what I did this summer to a family whom doesnt even believe in my faithful father. Im not sure how to approach that conversation either. I am starting to pack my stuff for school and I've realized I have a ton of stuff for my apartment but im not sure how it is all going to get there on Friday. Pray I continue to seek God, to let him help me through this transition and to lean on Him for his comfort and peace. On Friday Ill have community back and Ill also be living on my own. O boy

Saturday, August 14, 2010

I am back

Wednesday we went through a ton of debriefing stuff. How to reflect on the summer and how to transition from here to home. Wednesday night we had our project banquet. It was a lot of fun and the food was amazing. The community team a wonderful job on it. Thursday we had more debriefing, then we had to pack all of our stuff before dinner and then we had a celebration night. Katy, Margo, Terah, Sarah and I prayed for each other. That night myself and a few others started to lose it. I cried my eyes out and basically told others how they impacted my life and stuff this summer. Yesterday we cleaned a TON!!! Then a few of us went to the amusement park. We ate dinner as a project one last time and then just kind of walked the boardwalk one last time. I got up at 4 a.m this morning and said goodbye to everyone. I didnt cry but I have a feeling I will eventually. I dont think reality has hit me yet. I drove Kelsey and Terah to the airport and then drove 13 hrs all together. I went through 4 states in one day.
This summer God has taught me a TON. I have experienced community in a way I never have before. I learned to love others the way He loves me. I have experienced freedom and joy from all the circumstances I have experienced in my life lately. God's gracee was on the floor the I lived on. 14 girls to one bathroom and we somehow didnt fight over it all summer long. I learned to be vulnerable and share my emotions with others. I learned alot from the books of Galatians and 1 Thessionalions. God did A TON in my life this summer. It was incredible and it was the best summer I have ever had in my life!!! I am going to miss Miss Valarie and Bobby from Burger King. I am going to miss all of my friends from project as well. But it was a see you later.
Head back to Toledo on Friday-pray I can handle this transition. I have fear of living alone because I have experienced such amazing community this summer.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

4 more days

This week's theme is Community. God has taught me a TON about community this summer. i have experienced it in ways i have never had before and it has truly been a blessing to me to see how it has impacted my life this summer. This is the week of the last of project. Monday was the last weekly meeting. We did a weird game with a pie, and somehow i had to do it. i had to find mms in a pie. i found 17 out of the 20 so not bad i suppose! Monday was my last day at BK. Our manager Valarie gave us a card and a little thing. Mine is an angel that says a gift from god. i love it!! yesterday Sarah, Jen, Kelsey, Megan and i took val out on a girl date. we went and got our nails done and then to lunch. i am definitely going to miss val for a long time. god called us to bk for her. she needed us to encourage and to even pour into our lives. she was all of ours mother here in new jersey. I went to to beach afterwards with Colin Kelsey and Megan. we saw a ton of jelly fish in the ocean so we really didn't play in it that much. My action group met up one more time. Angela guirlene Lauren and i ate dinner with terah shuyue Margo and Brandi and then went to marvis diner for dessert. we talked, reflected and told each other their strengths and weaknesses. i am really praying that the lord continues to work in my life, for me to be more open hearted, to seek and find the Paul's in my life to pour and mentor me and then to even just focus on god see things through his eyes and not worry about my circumstances. today is a TON of debriefing and then project banquet. so crazy to think that project is basically almost over and then ill be heading back to Toledo. ahhh!

Monday, August 9, 2010

Bug bites and swimming pools

Thursday went to Marvis Diner with Dana and Nate. I loved getting to see them and tell them about my summer and stuff!! I am glad I got to see familiar faces. I worked then we had our last project dinner-Everything but the Kitchen Sink. I have eaten so many carbs this summer and my tummy is quite upset with me. We had our last Community team meeting as well. We discussed Project Banquet. I hope that some of the stuff we have done this summer I can take back to Toledo and use it there. Friday I worked, ran, and then the directors had a movie night. We watched Where the Wild Things Are. That was such a strange movie. I only watched like half of it. Saturday I worked, played in the sun and then we had a Pancake Outreach from 9pm-midnight. My manager came and it was really fun. We made too much batter so we will basically be eating pancakes the rest of project but we live and learn. I am not sure if anyone came to Christ but there a lot of co-workers so maybe it did!! We had our last family group yesterday. Crest Community Church, which he preached the Gospel and poked fun at the Campus Crusaders. We went to Marvis for lunch and one of the guys in our group, Matt Bull, which we have 3 Matt's all together on this project, anyway he paid for our lunch. I was quite shocked he did that. After lunch, I drove to UpperTownship and met some family. I got to swim in a pool and eat a home cooked meal. it was alot of fun. Pray for Cindy, Eve, and Marlie. They are Jewish and Cindy seemed quite I'm not sure what about me being a Christian and my dad was a catholic and Idk it was quite a discussion if i say so myself about what I am doing this summer. I couldnt really focus during the last night of reflection. My mind was doing all over the place. I dont know why though. Today is my last day at Burger King!! Last weekly meeting tonight and then tomorrow some of us girls are going to take our manager out. We are getting her nails done, then lunch and then going to a free zoo in Cape May. I cant believe project is almost done. At the same time though, I am a little nervous to transition back to Toledo and live alone by myself.

Thursday, August 5, 2010

9 and a surprise guest

I have decided I have to give credit to people who work in fast food. I cant do it. I got so upset yesterday at work because I taking orders in drive-thru, trying to get drinks, and food and trying to push out food all at once. I just couldn't do it and my boss wasn't helping me. i was trying not to cry my eyes out. only 4 more days there and then i will be an experienced fast food person who doesn't like to eat there either lol
I am going to breakfast with Dana and Nate. Dana got me plugged into Cru my freshman year at Toledo and they are on vacation and wanted to see me. so fun!! i am excited to see them both. I have work from 10-4 and then we are having our last project dinner tonight.. the theme is everything but the kitchen sink!!! Last provision/prayer party as well. Everything is starting to wind down. I have bought a few things to help me remember Wildwood when i am back in Sandusky/Toledo. Dave, Cary and Lauri are coming back here on Tuesday to finish out project with us. I am really starting to crave home and school friends though. I am very proud of myself for choosing this decision to go on a project. I will NEVER forget about it and it has DEFINITELY changed my life :)

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

10 more days

Monday night Stacey gave the talk and this week we are thinking about the Second Coming of Jesus. Sometimes this topic really scares me, but for some weird reason this week I haven't had much trouble with it. Yesterday, Katy, Terah, Salina, Lily, and I went to Philly to hang out for the day. We went to Franklin Square, the Liberty Bell, Chinatown, Independence Hall and walked around a few other places. It was a very nice trip and I am so grateful to have these wonderful friends here on project. Last night we were divided into groups and we all participated in a scavenger hunt. Jeff, Esther, Brandi and I first started the evening off at a Mexican restaurant and then we came back to the house to start the hunt. I totally gave up half way through because some of the clues and hints were just way too confusing and/or challenging. I work today and then tonight is Action Group and International Cafe. The last for each of them. It is quite crazy to think I'll be back in Ohio in 10 days and then moving into my apartment in 16. Ahh!!!! I feel like I have so much to do, and yet mom has done alot for me so I feel like I'm not terribly stressed out about this. Senior year round number two will start August 23rd and I have a huge feeling it is going to be my best year of college yet.

Monday, August 2, 2010

dead fish and caught bouquets

Thursday I worked and then we had southern cooking' theme for project dinner. I didn't eat much because there wasn't enough for 44 of us. Afterwards we had a meeting and then prayed. i went to bed and got up at 230. Tyler took me to the airport and I arrived back in OHIO at 1030 :) Mom picked me up, we went home, i got my BCI/FBI thing done for school and then got my dress pressed. I took a shower and then went to the rehearsal and then dinner. it was alot of fun. The girls went back to Laura's house while the guys went to the beach to have a bonfire. Saturday i got up and got my hair and makeup done, and then i was dropped off at Laura's. We all got ready and then went to the church for pictures. We all looked so beautiful. At 4 we went into the church, I walked in with Cameron and walked out with Robbie and Brandon. Laura and Alex are married and their wedding was SOOO beautiful!! I'm so glad i got to celebrate with them. after the wedding, they rode around the block on a horse carriage. we took more pictures and then went to the reception. we did OHIO state theme since they both went there. They cut the cake, which Laura smashed into Alex's face and then tanner and mike gave their speeches. we ate and then danced. I found a dead beta fish on the table and tanner and i saved it and it swam away the rest of the night. I caught the bouquet and so if you re reading this don't worry i don't have a boyfriend and idk when my wedding will be. lol I had a huge delayed flight to GA yesterday and got into NJ at 630. Carolyn and Ciara picked me up. I shared my weekend, we got food and then I came back and went to bed. I cant believe there is only 12 more days of project. Insane. Love and miss you all