Sunday, September 6, 2015

I am alive

I havent been a good blogger and honestly I completely suck at telling people my feelings.  I have been really struggling the past seven months.  Subbing was hard.  I have sucked at losing weigh. I have hated life and have thought about harming myself and I hate being single.  I feel like I have no friends and I just feel like the whole world hates me.  I never found a teaching job once again and I think honestly God hates me.  I hate myself and everything that my life means.  I dont know why I bother to do anything anymore.

Friday, February 13, 2015

Why bother

I have nothing really to report. I still sub, I still am single and I still live at home. I really have no friends and I really am so tired of trying. No one likes me.

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Pondering Life

My life has been quite a blur lately. Weather is getting a bit better so I'm starting to run more outside.  Been busy with subbing, church choir Easter Play, Axiom, Roots, babysitting, tutoring. Sometimes I feel like I dont have any time for myself :( I so wanna go on a vacation or a road trip. I want a tattoo. I want to chop my hair off, pack a few bags and just move out West.  I so wish that I had a full-time teaching job. Last Wednesday I had a teaching interview for the fall. Ill hear more in the beginning of May.  I am crossing my fingers, toes, legs, arms and I laid it at the foot of the cross.  Been feeling very lonely lately. Mom is dating and she is never home between jobs and him.  I totally have been feeling like an orphan a lot lately. I really dont have a lot of friends. Most of the girls I adore are all younger than me.  It really stinks.  Not really sure what else to write about. My life is very boring and life-less.

Sunday, February 9, 2014

My life

I am sorry I took such a long long break.  Rest of Sept and Oct was spent housesitting, subbing, running, and trying to enjoy life.  

November was busy with subbing, youth group stuff and church things.  December I subbed 12 days, shopped, baked, hung out with friends and enjoyed the holidays.  

January I dealt with only subbing 9 days, a million inches of snow/ice/below zero temperatures and so many snow days I thought I was going insane.  

So far this month Ive subbed, tried to work out, babysat and that is about it.  Im tired of snow, cold weather, ice, shoveling, and feeling like a hermit.

I honestly may start blogging more.  I am starting to feel like I dont have any friends. I feel lost. I still love Jesus but I am tired of feeling sad/depressed.  I am losing my appetite and my motivation to do anything.  Heck I would LOVE to be able to move out of my moms and to have my own classroom but at this rate I feel like Ill never get it.  

Saturday, September 14, 2013

Belize.House-sitting.blind life in general

I'm sorry that I took an almost 2 month break.  I just wanted to wrap my head around what happened in Belize and honestly it was seriously a trip that I will never forget. This may be a LONG post but just bear with me.

Belize: July 22nd, we drove to Detroit and then ate dinner at Applebees. We woke up Tuesday and hit the airport.  We had some issues and we almost missed our flight. We had to run through the airport and it was insane!!  We had a a layover in Dallas and then landed in Belize City. Our bus ride to Unitedville was about two hours. The whole bus ride was pretty quiet.  Looking at our surroundings and soaking it all in.  Wednesday morning we ate breakfast and then went back to the church and make some bags of food we were going to distribute to some families in a Mayan village.  We did that for about 4 hours and then we had a VBS with the children in the village. It was insane!! Singing, dancing, bible story, giggles, animal balloons, candies going all over and it was so fun! We had church that night.  Thursday we went back to the same village to hand out some more food and pray for families.  We got some ice cream and then headed back to clean up and get ready for church that night. We went back to the village we were at the last two days and went to church.  We were late and the music reminded me of music you here in a Mexican restaurant.  Friday we stayed at the church and worked there all day doing different things-rock road, staining doors, strapping floors, plastering, shoveling.  We had youth group that night.  Saturday we split up as a team and some of us stayed at the church, while me and a few others went to a village and separated rocks from dirt.  I fell and hurt my knee. It was a lot of hard work but it was rewarding.  It was very very hot that day as well.  That night we all just hung out in the church and played games as a group.  Sunday we had morning service, where I was one of three who gave my testimony. Every service we had, someone from our team gave their testimony. We hung out after church and then went to the village some of us were at Saturday for church Sunday night. I had a lot of kids hanging all over me. It was so hard to hear that the children in this village basically dont get loved on, so when mission teams from American come into this village the children eat up the love.  Monday we had our free day--we went zip-lining, repelling, and cave-tubing. It was a lot of fun.  Tuesday we did some last minute shopping and then headed home.
August 4-11 I was the responsible adult for the music pastors oldest daughter. It was a lot of fun. We hung out, even went to the fair that was in town that week.  August 15th I went on a blind date with a guy name Brett. It was a lot of fun.  We ended up going out again on August 23rd.  Schools around here started on August 26th and I have subbed four times since school started.  Labor day weekend I did nothing but just hang out at home.
Running is going alright.  Still struggling with seeing myself as beautiful and such but I'm working on it.  Not dating anyone right now and just waiting to see if I will get a part-time job that I had an interview at.  Living at home is kind of rough, but I guess I will eventually get to have a big-girl job and will be able to afford to move out.
Been having some health issues and I have a blood clot forming behind my left eye.  Kind sucks.  I have to go back to the eye doctor in a month.

Monday, July 22, 2013

Hopping on a plane tomorrow morning!!!

VBS was seriously SOOOOO fun!!! The last night we had 150 kiddos!!! The kids brought in OVER 500 dollars for offering and so Elisa, Shane and Pastor Sam became a human sundae!!!

This past week I housesat/cat-sat and then was the responsible adult for two teenage girls.  Can we just say whoa?!  Monday we just watched movies all day. Tuesday, Laura and I did some stuff for church and then I left that evening to go to Cincinnati because Wednesday I had a teaching interview--which I didnt get.  Wednesday I came back and then hung out with my friend Jayce that evening.  Thursday I cried and basically there was drama.  UGH.  I also went swimming that day!  Friday I hung out with my friend Becki and then went to a bonfire with some of my friends(can I just say hanging out with 5 couples was a little weird?!)  Saturday I finished packing, helped one of the girls going get a bathing suit, and then hung out with a few kiddos that night.  Yesterday I went to church, went to lunch with a few people, baked, went to a pool party for some of the youth groups small groups.  Today is the 4:30 I am getting dropped off at the church and will make my way up to Detroit to stay the night!  Tomorrow morning I will hop on the plane and we will make our way to Belize!!!  OMYGOSH! I can't believe I am leaving for my mission trip...EEEEKkkkkkkkkkk!!!! I am SOOOOOO excited! I barely slept last night!!!!! Please pray for me!!!

Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Interviews.Babysitting.4th of July!.2 weeks till Belize!

Cj's mom's funeral was very rough for me. I cried. I went to the cemetery and it was hard for me.  My dad was cremated so it was weird to see a friend's parent buried.

Father's day was my fifth one without my dad and it was hard this year.  June honestly was a rough month for me. I think I honestly cried every day that month. It was just a very emotional month.

The 17th, 19th and 21st I had three interviews for teaching jobs...but I didnt get any of the jobs :/  Super big bummer :/  I went to a ton of grad parties in June as well!

The 23rd I went to a cook out at Tim and Megs.  The 29th I went to a wedding and then the 30th I went to a birthday party for Tim and Meg's kiddos. That was super fun to attend.

July 4th I went to my friend's house and hung out with a huge group of people, eating, and having a great time.  Sunday I went to a baby shower and then we had Water Wars for the youth group.  I am still sore from playing some of the games with the jr. high and high schoolers!!!

This week is VBS at my church!! Last night we had 139 kiddos there for it!!  This weekend I really don't have any plans so hopefully I can do some cleaning and packing.  I have 2 weeks from today till I leave for Belize on my mission trip.  Can I just say that I am STOKED for it! I am so ready to see the Lord wreck and rock my world/relationship with Him.  Please be praying for that.  This week is just filled with VBS and babysitting. Next week I am housesitting and then its off to Belize!!!

Working out is going so so. I am starting to lose some motivation in it though :/  My relationship with the Lord is kind of stuck and I hope that soon I can get out of this rut.  No boy in my life :(  Which is heart breaking because I want to be in a relationship with a Godly man. Just praying I find him soon.