Saturday, January 14, 2012

Words have caused more pain than sticks and stones

It is so weird to think that I can eat normal food again. I made puppy chow yesterday and it was amazing. Except now Im scared Im gonna gain like 1,000 pounds from eating and I dont wanna do that. I am glad that I can make choices about what I want to eat and can enjoy cooking again.

So majority of my readers know that I am a substitute teacher. I know that it has its flaws. It is hard. Sometimes you dont know what you're going to teach and how the class will treat you. Sometimes it is good to laugh and enjoy the class. Now my mom doesn't have any clue about the whole teaching world. She is now down my throat about it. Telling me that I need to try harder to get a sub position. Asking why I dont have a long term sub job. She is basically stabbing me in the heart with her words. It is the worst feeling ever when a mother does that to her child. I pray that I don't do that when I have children. I want to love them like Jesus, and of course be a parent I never really had in my life. A parent that was a Christian, and showed passion, love and support. Right now, I have this deep feeling in the pit of my stomach telling me that I will NEVER get a teaching job. I feel as if I am failure in life. I have noone to really talk to. Will someone tell me that I will find a teaching job sometime? Will someone speak truth, encouragement and love into my life right now? I really just wish that I had a better home life. This is causing me to miss my dad even more than anything.

No comments: