Thursday, September 1, 2011

Really need some encouragement right now...

Okay so this is such a rant, a vent a I-want-the-world-to hear what I have to say......
So I just came home from a run/walk like 25 minutes ago. Anyways, I was running my little heart out, jamming to some really awesome tunes(I couldnt even tell ya right now who I was listening to) and all of a sudden, I heard, over my blaring music of course, some dumbo in a car on the street yell go beached whale go. UH what?! I seriously almost cried. I was FIGHTING the tears back the WHOLE time. I wanted to sprint all the way home and just stuff my face(I didnt though) I am trying so incredibly hard to lose like 10-15 pounds, and yet some dumbo in this world had to totally ruin my self-esteem. I had actually been doing okay this week with how I looked. Now I am back to hating myself and wanting to just chop all of the fat off of me. Sometimes people just dont know what they just said can totally crush someone. Its not fair sometimes that my brother got the skinny genes. Its not fair that I still have awful acne like Im a 14 year old freshman in high school.

I babysat yesterday, today and then gotta do it tomorrow. Im praying the family pays me. I need the funds so badly. I am so incredibly scared that I am not going to find a good job someday. I am scared I wont get married, or move out of my moms house. I am scared Im gonna get sick and die like my dad did. I just wish I had a friend right now. I just feel so incredibly lonely right now. I am just so sick and tired of trying so hard at things, and then feeling like it never works out. feeling like a failure. feeling like i am not good enough. Please just pray for me, because right now I am not sure how much more I can take. I am not sure how much more of all of this i can take.


Missy said...

I just saw your comment on Cotter Crunch and popped over and to say that my heart is breaking right now.
I struggle with my weight and body image <-- that would be an understatement) and food addiction and I am desperate to have more of God in my life and less of me and it is so painful when things of this world make us feel so disconnected from HIM.

I am so scared right now too and I feel fat and I lonely and ...I could hgave written that paragraph and I must say this...we are blessed.

We are blessed when we are at the end of our ropes. There is less of us and more God.

I pray that you and I both figure out that...we DO know exactly how much more we can take and that is NO MORE and learn to just truly TRULY give it all to God.


Lindsey said...

Girl, keep on keeping on. I know how incredibly hard it can be when people are so cruel and try their best to bring you down. But you can do it!.. you were the one out there running, NOT that dude in the truck.