I didn't mean to NOT write on here for a month. I have no words. I have been busy. I honestly feel like noone reads this anymore. Ive subbed a lot. Ive worked out. Ive been sick. Ive babysat. Ive been to church. Ive visited college friends. Ive applied and been accepted into OSU for 4/5 Generalist Endorsement for the summer. Ive applied and been accepted into UT for the Reading Endorsement for the fall. So that means Im going back to school. O yay. Just what I want is more student loans. And more degrees and certificates and everything else that goes with all this garbage of education system we have going on right now.
God and I are pretty good. Although I can honestly say I am so not sure what my fall is going to look like. I am praying I get a teaching job. But at the same time, I am scared. Im scared of becoming a first year teacher. To fail. To have things not go the way I want them to. I am scared of being too busy, to feel like I dont have a life or friends or that I do anything fun with my life. I feel so empty lately. I feel like since Cj and I's break up, I dont do anything. I just sit at home when Im not subbing and just do nothing with my life. I feel like a failure a lot of the times I look at life. I want to go far in my life. I still desire to be married and to have a family and Im scared, scared to death that I am NEVER going to get this dream accomplished. It scares me to death to think that I will die a virgin, alone and never get the desires of my heart. I just want to finally see something good happen to me for once in my life. I feel like since dad's death in 09, nothing really has gone the way that I want it to. I am tired of living at home and feeling that I am a failure of human race.