Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Weekend trips and Venting

My trip to Buffalo was glorious. I enjoyed project friends, late nights, wings, malls, Niagara Falls, pancakes and just fellowshipping with brothers and sisters I spent 11 weeks with.
Classes are still going well. They all seem really easy and now its time to do projects and little assignments with kids in my field work. I only have 4 more lessons to teach to my class.
Last weekend I went home for my friend Carlie's wedding. It was beautiful but during the reception I got bored. All of my friends were in the bridal party. I didnt have a date. I sat alone at a HUGE table. I realized I hate going to weddings alone and that all of my friends are getting hitched and Im getting left. Its starting to really bum me out.
I havent found out my placement yet for student teaching, and I think the Lord is teaching me to be patient. I am really trying to be patient but I just really know where I will be at.
Thursday Im leaving to head to Ball State to visit project friends until Saturday morning. It will be good to see my friends, their Cru and just get away for a few days.
I have NO idea who reads my blog or if anyone really cares about me or anything, but I really just need to get this out there-I am really starting to hate being so alone all the time. I go to class and feel alone, go to cru and feel alone. I dont know what is wrong with me. I reach out to people and noone reaches back. Everyone tells me to go counseling and that isnt going to help me to not feel lonely. I just want someone to reach out to me, to love me, to share life with me. I just feel like there is nothing else for me to do other than just sit in my apartment and rot away. What is the point of even trying? I am doing all that I can and others arent just showing love to me. I cant afford that kind of help and I dont want others to help me. I go to god with everything but you know ive never heard his voice and yes he can comfort me but a real hug and love is something i just really need.

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