Feeling So burdened

1 year, 1 month, 20 days ago my heart was forever broken. I miss him dearly. He was my favorite person EVER. I sometimes pray that the Lord would grant me a wish to see him for once more. I have been really missing him lately after finding out a dear friend here at school lost his dad unexpectedly. I so feel for him. I truly understand what he is going through. I sometimes wonder what my life would be like if my father was still alive. I wonder how I would act, who would be in my life, how my relationship with the Lord would be, if I would still be in the major I have. Would I actully be graduating in May? Would I be going on Summer Project with Campus Crusade and living my life for the Lord 11 weeks in Wildwood,NJ with 34 other people I don't even know or know their stories? I honestly wish my life wasn't the way it was. At the same time, if I hadn't experienced this huge storm in m life, I don't even know if I would be where I am right now on my journey in life. Don't get my wrong, I think about him everyday of my life, but lately I feel like I am back to square one when I was dealing with the worse news a 21 year old girl never wants to get while she is an hour from her house and she can't do anything but walk back to her dorm from the rec on that cold Feb. day and worry about her friend who needs a ride to the art museum that night for a class. I am a girl who got that phone call 1 year, 1 month and 2o days ago. I am forever changed but at the same time, I wouldn't be who I am now.