Tuesday, August 9, 2011

But you love me anyway

Friday: week one of Cardio max, swimming
Saturday: swimming
Sunday: swimming, total body
Monday: 2 mile run with my brother
Today: did a workout thing from Cottercrunch :)

I'm really really trying to learn to be who God created me to be. I've really been struggling. I have surrendered it to the Lord. I have read countless books, I have read the verses that are about relationships, and beauty and everything else. I have journaled about it for IDK how many years. I am just so tired of not thinking I'm good enough. I'm tired of being single (3 friends got engaged today, and then 3 more are in relationships). I feel like I am carrying around so much weight, like bricks, and I cant handle it anymore. I wish I had friends here at home. I dont want people to feel pity for me, I just am trying to pour out my heart today. I am really working on knowing deep down in my heart that God really made me the way that I am. That the Lord really is enthralled by my beauty. That the Lord really has created a Godly guy for me, and that in HIS perfect timing I will find him. I just want to be the daughter the Lord has crafted me to be. I want to be a woman of the Lord, just not from the inside but the outside as well. I want to not worry about anything, and just to trust him. I want to have Childlike faith. I want to be real, to not hide behind a mask anymore.


I think I am going to order this book. Can anyone recommend any books for me to read about waiting till God's timing for a relationship, or about my beauty God has given me? I would really really appreciate it.

Also, can anyone suggest any really great Christian/non christian songs that are about beauty? I want to make myself a C.d. and listen to it until I have tears streaming down my face and I am shaking because the truth has finally 'clicked' inside of me.

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