Feeling Restless

My eyes are quite red. I feel like I cry EVERY.SINGLE.DAY of my life. I failed my Praxis 2 by 4 POINTS boo!! I am so disappointed, so discouraged. No teaching job for my this coming school year for sure :(
I miss dad like there is nothing else that matters.
I am seriously craving a relationship--to put it more in words engagement. I feel like everyone around me is getting engaged and I'm not. I am feeling so sad and so lonely. I feel like the guy God has for me isnt out there and I will NEVER find him :(
12 days left of wearing my one dress for a month. so insane. ahhh!!
My spring break is in 10 days. and it seriously cant come any faster. I am so ready for it.
I need a summer job--no luck.
So I am a HUGE bookworm---like if I could I would LIVE in a library and read for the rest of my life. I need some books to read for this summer-READY.SET.GO name some for me!!

30 days

That's right..I Only have thirty days until I graduate from UT. It is quite scary.
Today we had our job fair for education. I gave a resume to a district in Columbus, and interviewed with Alaska. Yes you read that right. But honestly, I dont think Im going to get a teaching job this year. I guess I will just substitute around my old hometown until I find something. Boo.
Today is day 16 wearing my dress, I am over halfway done. It is crazy to think I am almost done wearing this dress. Crazy!!!! Ha!!
This weekend I am heading to my last ever spring getaway with Cru. I am super sad. Heck, I started to cry just randomly in the bank today. Yeah IDK what is wrong with me. I think Im going insane!!

Day 13

I have worn my dress for 13 days.
I have NO voice. well a tiny one.
I want spring break to come.
I like my new look on my blog.
I am in LOVE with Natalie Grant at the moment.
I seriously feel like I waste time on the internet by stalking blogs lately.
This weekend is my LAST Cru event ever--spring getaway
Friday is job fair--equals=me freaking out

Day 10

I have worn my dress for 10 days now. Well Today is day ten. My dress has gone to student teaching with me, to church, to class, to Cru, to an ice cream shop, grocery shopping, and now my dress is going to go to a basketball game today. UT is in the girls championship game today against USC.

Toledo is in the top five for sex trafficking. In Perrysburg, there is a nonprofit organization that is raising money to build a house for the girls who are in freedom. I go to Campus Crusade for Christ at my campus and a bunch of girls and I are wearing One dress for One Month to help show awareness for this and to take a stand for the women who can't stand for themselves.

I can't believe in 15 days I am running my first 5k ever in my life. I can't believe in 5 weeks and 1 day I will be a college graduate. I cant believe in 2- days I will FINALLY have my spring break!!! I still dont know what I am doing after I graduate but you know what I am just trusting God and leaning on him for my future. Until then, I am going to pray, trust and have faith. Everything will work out from the good of my Lord.

Day 3

I am on day 3 of wearing my little grey dress. To be honest, I feel so discouraged. It is grey and I feel quite ugly in it. I want to cry. My heart has been so heavy lately. I am struggling with me-my self image, my talents, my gifts, my all. I am not sure what to do lately.
I however am quite missing running outside. This week has be insane. I've been so busy with school and its been so cold I haven't had time to workout, well only Wednesday and I am seriously itching to run again :/ Please get warm again OH so I can run outside.
I almost want to give up-on just every single thing of life lately. I surrender it all to God and yet I feel like I am caught, caught in a time where I cant get out. It sucks quite alot actually.

Can I do it

I still feel rather discouraged--so not sure where God is going to take me on my life journey after graduation. I want to teach, but then I dont. I want to be in a relationship, and yet its not time for me. I want to be married, and yet I havent met him yet. I want to move away, but Im scared to death. I want to pay off my loans, but yet I need a job. Guess Ill just be on my knees crying and praying out to God about my future.
Week 11 of last semester of college starts tomorrow. Im so tired, so annoyed, so ready for this semester to be over with. Im sick of lesson plans, of teaching, of grading, copying things, being sleep deprived, wearing the same clothes every week, but yet my heart has been captured by those children. Those children I love each and every one of them dearly. Its going to be hard to leave them May 18th. I hate I wear my heart on my sleeves most of the time with children.
Starting Thursday, I am going to wear one dress for a month. To help with awareness for sex trafficking. It breaks my heart women out there so young, so gentle are getting awful things done to them. I am not wearing my dress the morning of April 8th for a job fair, or the morning of April 17th for my 5k, and Im gonna try to wear it as much as I can during the school week but Im doing it for women out there that cant stand up for themselves. Ill do it for them. Pray for me as I do this out of faith

New processing

I got the phone call today that I didn't get selected to intern with Cru this coming school year. My heart is seriously so broken right now. I felt that was what the Lord was calling me to do, and now that passion that tug on my heart was a broken chain. I feel like I'm back to square one--who knows what I'll be doing when I graduate. Its not interning with Cru thats for sure. Im scared Im not going to pass my Praxis two and get my licensure to be a teacher. Im so deeply terrified because I dont know what the Lord has my future. Im scared to death that I wont find a job and that my loans wont get paid for. I cant stop crying. My heart is so broken right now. I feel so lost, so confused on what the Lord really has for me. Right now, I feel like I lost my way and I cant find my master. Lord, where are you? Where is that plan you have for me?

running my first 5k April 17th. Im training and I'm ready to experience my first race.

week 10 of spring semester. Lord, do I HAVE to graduate college??