Lately I have really been noticing God is working on my heart to be more like Him. I am learning to trust him with the support I need for summer project BTW 58% raisied!!! I am learning that my faith needs to be in HIM and HIM only. I am learning that it is not what is on the outside, but the inside that counts. I am learning that I am a really good listener, sweet friend and I like being short. I am learning that I don't stress out with school as much as I did my freshman year of college(such a long time ago). I am finally learning that I can take risks and do stuff I have never done before. Like-raise support, TEACH first graders, play ultimate, rock climb, run 3 miles.
I know that my last blogs have been sad and heart breaking, but my hear has been aching alot. Alot for dad and for my two sweet friends who lost their father and I just want to pour my heart and soul out there. To help myself cope and to see that I am really going through the motions of grieve and I am starting to get JOY back. Yes that is a word that I can say and see down the road. I want joy back. The Lord will eventually break down that wall and I will see that SON shining through the midst of everything that is going on in my life.
I am very self-conscious and alot of times I hate the way I look. I compare myself to others and I know deep down Im not suppose to do that, but I still do it. I don't stop myself. I just go right along comparing myself to that pretty girl in my class that I would die to look like. Lately though, the Lord is pulling on my heart and telling me that I am beautiful. No one else may see it, but he does. He loves me and he DIED for me to realize this. I am really trying to take off those blinds on my eyes so I can see this and notice it too. Until then, I have to keep reminding myself daily that the Lord loves me for WHO I am and even if a GUY or anyone else doesn't like me the way I look then they AREN'T worth my smile. I am learning to Let Go, and LET GOD! I want to be so wrapped up in God's love that I don't notice anything or anyone that is right next to me.