Today I went roller blading with two friends. Let me tell you-two guys, one girl, a trail that is o 7 miles long=a 2 and a half hr adventure. Most of the time I was alone. I am one of those people who skate slow we say. Well at one point, I was way behind the guys. I was thinking about when I was little. I kept passing girls with their dads. O it broke my heart. I ache to see him one more time. Made me think back to when I was little and learned how to ride a bike with no training wheels. My dad told me he was going to hold on until i was ready. he let go and i instantly plowed into a tree, scraped my hands and knee and bawled my eyes out. i blamed my dad for causing me pain. I feel like this time, losing him is causing that same pain i experienced when i fell off my bike. Obviously I feel like I am not doing well with grief right now. I ache too much for him. I desperatly want him. want to hear his voice and see his face. But I cant.
God is really teaching me right now to be patient. To have peace and let him guide me through his plan for me. IDK why I have this pain still and why I still experience this emptiness I have but I have to learn to see god in the midst of my sadness. right now im so sad im bawling my eyes out while typing this in my really dark dorm room with hillsong "none but jesus" on repeat. i am trying to cling on but i feel like im slipping away. i so want to feel his presence or have someone say they love me, care for me, and want to give me a hug. Jesus-I really want a friend more than anything to be there for me.