Saturday, April 10, 2010

Thinking back on the past

Today I went roller blading with two friends. Let me tell you-two guys, one girl, a trail that is o 7 miles long=a 2 and a half hr adventure. Most of the time I was alone. I am one of those people who skate slow we say. Well at one point, I was way behind the guys. I was thinking about when I was little. I kept passing girls with their dads. O it broke my heart. I ache to see him one more time. Made me think back to when I was little and learned how to ride a bike with no training wheels. My dad told me he was going to hold on until i was ready. he let go and i instantly plowed into a tree, scraped my hands and knee and bawled my eyes out. i blamed my dad for causing me pain. I feel like this time, losing him is causing that same pain i experienced when i fell off my bike. Obviously I feel like I am not doing well with grief right now. I ache too much for him. I desperatly want him. want to hear his voice and see his face. But I cant.
God is really teaching me right now to be patient. To have peace and let him guide me through his plan for me. IDK why I have this pain still and why I still experience this emptiness I have but I have to learn to see god in the midst of my sadness. right now im so sad im bawling my eyes out while typing this in my really dark dorm room with hillsong "none but jesus" on repeat. i am trying to cling on but i feel like im slipping away. i so want to feel his presence or have someone say they love me, care for me, and want to give me a hug. Jesus-I really want a friend more than anything to be there for me.

1 comment:

Brandi Lynn said...

Allie, I just want you to know that God is working so much in your life! You are soo blessed to have Him guide you on an adventure like Wildwood. Your dad is your guardian angel and he is so proud of you. I understand it can be hard, but just focus on what God is doing in your life and where He is leading you! I want you to know that if you ever need a hug or someone to be there for you, then I will definitely be that person! I love hugs, they are one of my most favorite things in the world! I want to be your friend this summer, I want to have a close relationship with you because I feel like we have a lot of similarities. I love you already and I can't wait to SHOW my love to you by being there for you. Also, I can relate to the whole self-image thing, I have gained over 40 pounds since being at college. I think it would be awesome if we found time to workout together! We can loose weight together this summer! I pray that God continues to reveal Himself to you! When I read this blog I had to open up my itunes and listen to None But Jesus. This song is amazing! I love it so much! I will be praying for you!! Allie, if you ever want to chat or text or talk or message me because you need prayers or anything, please don't hesitate to contact me. I'm so excited that God is working on your heart. This summer is going to be a blast and I can't wait to meet you!! :)

Blessings In JESUS,

Brandi