This is a venting post and if noone reads it, then I dont care. No one reads my blog anyway, so what is the point?
I am SUCH a failure. I cant find a summer job. I have applied to 15 places and noone has called me or looked at my application and Im losing hope. I'm losing the desire to be here, to be alive. I am trying SOO hard to lose weight and yet I feel as big as a whale. My summer clothes barely fit me, so I need to eat less and work out more run more and more. I cant afford more shorts or capris. I try so hard to like myself and I cant. I hate the way I look and I cant seem to see myself the Lord made me to be. I HATE living alone. I hate that I graduated. I feel like I dont have any friends, any fellowship, anyone to plug into me and my life. I feel like a bum, all I do is sit in my apartment and watch tv shows on my laptop or on the series I have on DVD. I hate that my dad is dead. It KILLS me inside that I cant have a hug, cant call him, cant see him when I go home tomorrow. I hate that my mom isnt a Christian, I hate that my brother is at school has a girlfriend has a job has success and I have no boyfriend no job nothing.
This is a vent, I am just feeling depressed and lonely and just not worth anything that I am trying to get. I am a failure and I am really trying. Trying my hardest.Please dont worry about me.