Thursday, May 12, 2011

Need to VENT

This is a venting post and if noone reads it, then I dont care. No one reads my blog anyway, so what is the point?
I am SUCH a failure. I cant find a summer job. I have applied to 15 places and noone has called me or looked at my application and Im losing hope. I'm losing the desire to be here, to be alive. I am trying SOO hard to lose weight and yet I feel as big as a whale. My summer clothes barely fit me, so I need to eat less and work out more run more and more. I cant afford more shorts or capris. I try so hard to like myself and I cant. I hate the way I look and I cant seem to see myself the Lord made me to be. I HATE living alone. I hate that I graduated. I feel like I dont have any friends, any fellowship, anyone to plug into me and my life. I feel like a bum, all I do is sit in my apartment and watch tv shows on my laptop or on the series I have on DVD. I hate that my dad is dead. It KILLS me inside that I cant have a hug, cant call him, cant see him when I go home tomorrow. I hate that my mom isnt a Christian, I hate that my brother is at school has a girlfriend has a job has success and I have no boyfriend no job nothing.
This is a vent, I am just feeling depressed and lonely and just not worth anything that I am trying to get. I am a failure and I am really trying. Trying my hardest.Please dont worry about me.

3 comments:

[Red Sox] Wife said...

nobody likes a debbie downer...

jk jk... I know its a hard time in your life. I go through stuff like this ALL the time. I think most normal people do... looking at the glass half full.

I would recommend reading one of the following blogs:
http://nieniedialogues.com/
or
http://emilysthought.blogspot.com/

the first is a woman who was in an airplan accident a few years ago that burned like 80% of her body.

the second is one of my very best friends who was hit by a car and lost her leg just over a year ago. both girls are AMAZING examples of looking for the positive when there is so much going against them that is out of their control.

the lord wants you to be happy, my dear! why would he want anything else for you?? (he WOULDNT!)

Jennifer Rod said...

I'm sorry you are not feeling well... times can be hard. but dont feel like you have to be perfect and have everything together. but be patient and rest in the Lord... Congratulations on graduating!

Steph said...

Congrats on graduating! I was in the same place as you were last year, no summer job and feeling horrible about myself. There is a really great website www.meetup.com and you can find tons of groups and people that plan events that you can attend and meet new people. I highly reccomend it and its great for networking and just getting out and about!

As for the job front, when I was looking for a summer job last year I was having no luck so my mom suggusted a Temp Agency...there are tons out there and basically I went and had a little interview and kinda explained what I was looking for in a temp job (i.e - secretary / computer work / business field). Then they call you when they have a placement for you...I even turned down some of the placements because you kinda know from the decription if they are going to work out or not. Anyways, long story short, my first expierence was amazing and I fell in love with the company and I was hired back full time a few months later. Plus any job expierence looks amazing on resumes!

Ok, wow, way longer comment than expected :)