Saturday, June 4, 2011

100th Post

Today is my 100th post on this blog. Holy cow so insane. Today is my half birthday whoa buddy!

Still havent found a job---Im starting to become really depressed. I barely read my bible(havent in a week) or journaled. I basically lay on my bedroom floor and read books. I cry alot. I feel so unworthy in this world. I feel like a HUGE failure. I keep praying but I dont hear God's voice. I want to give up, but I know I cant. I just IDK cant do this anymore. Being at home brings back a ton of memories about my dad. I miss him alot, right now Im trying so hard to fight the tears that are forming on my eyes. I wish he was here to encourage me.

Going to Dave and Busters tonight with some friends to celebrate a birthday--but I dont wanna go all of a sudden. I just wanna cry my eyes out and feel sorry for myself. I am trying so hard--to find a job, to lose weight, to be patient about gods timing and relationships and yet I keep feeling like its not worth it.

I ran the last couple of days but when I got up this morning, I had NO energy so I did a workout video but then I ended up losing my breakfast :/ I waited almost two hours, so weird. Wish I had a really strong community around me--I just want a hug, or someone to take a walk with me. I just want everything that all of my friends have and more. Sometimes life is just not fair.

Sorry for being a debbie downer.


Thals said...

I don't really know how I found your blog (took two sick days and had nothing to do with my time, oops =P).

But anyways, last year I was in the exact same situation as you. I applied online to the research databases (I'm in the research field) at hospitals and universities and did not get many bites. Eventually I had interviewed at 20 places and not been offered a single job. Finally in September, I went into a place, interviewed and was offered a job the next morning. Throughout the summer though, I had become increasingly sad. All of these people around me had gotten jobs and I hadn't. I felt worthless. My bf was off to PhD school and here I was looking at nothing. I totally feel where you are coming from. Keep your head up. I was stupid and didn't get a part-time job but I wish that I had. Are there any Starbucks in your area? They are a GREAT company with good benefits.

Some days you just have to take off. I usually work out 5x a week and this week have gone twice. When you feel sick, it just isn't worth it. Try getting a stability (yoga) ball to tool around with at home when you aren't feeling your best.

Lindsey said...

I would so definitely give you a billion hugs and take a walk with you if I was there! I know it must be so, so hard and frustrating for you right now. But always try to keep your chin up, and spend time reading God's Word, and eventually things will start looking up. <3

[Red Sox] Wife said...

HUG to you :) read the bible... thats where he answers your prayers!!! love you!!