Today is my 100th post on this blog. Holy cow so insane. Today is my half birthday whoa buddy!
Still havent found a job---Im starting to become really depressed. I barely read my bible(havent in a week) or journaled. I basically lay on my bedroom floor and read books. I cry alot. I feel so unworthy in this world. I feel like a HUGE failure. I keep praying but I dont hear God's voice. I want to give up, but I know I cant. I just IDK cant do this anymore. Being at home brings back a ton of memories about my dad. I miss him alot, right now Im trying so hard to fight the tears that are forming on my eyes. I wish he was here to encourage me.
Going to Dave and Busters tonight with some friends to celebrate a birthday--but I dont wanna go all of a sudden. I just wanna cry my eyes out and feel sorry for myself. I am trying so hard--to find a job, to lose weight, to be patient about gods timing and relationships and yet I keep feeling like its not worth it.
I ran the last couple of days but when I got up this morning, I had NO energy so I did a workout video but then I ended up losing my breakfast :/ I waited almost two hours, so weird. Wish I had a really strong community around me--I just want a hug, or someone to take a walk with me. I just want everything that all of my friends have and more. Sometimes life is just not fair.
Sorry for being a debbie downer.